Chapter Blue
Tyra Valeriano, host of Chapter Blue, comes with 11 years of law enforcement experience and talks about mental health, self-care, work-life balance and more. Through honest conversations and personal experience, Chapter Blue allows for officers worldwide to share their stories, struggles, and successes both on and off duty and to give the public an insight to what the media has made into such a controversial profession. The podcast will establish the connection to the important topics and struggles in law enforcement and open up to all first responder roles in the new year to address how interchangeable the roles relate to the struggle. Join the conversation, because it’s long overdue!
Chapter Blue
Vincent Scotto: What 20 Years at NYPD Taught Me About Officer Wellness That No One Is Talking About
What happens when the badge comes off? In this powerful conversation, former NYPD officer Vincent Scotto takes us behind the blue wall of silence to reveal the deeply human struggles of life in law enforcement. After serving 20 years with the NYPD and being retired for 13 years, Scotto brings rare perspective on how police work fundamentally transforms those who wear the uniform.
"People who join law enforcement go in wanting to change the world and they get out with the world changing them," cutting to the heart of why officer wellness matters. He shares his personal journey through dark times and how hitting rock bottom ultimately led him to become an advocate for mental wellness in the law enforcement community. With unflinching honesty, he addresses the cultural barriers that prevent officers from seeking help and the systemic issues that leave them feeling unsupported.
The conversation takes us through the psychological impact of constantly switching between high-alert policing and family life, the power of authentic communication amongst officers, and why many department wellness programs fail despite good intentions. "Cops see through the bullshit," Scotto explains, highlighting why authenticity matters more than flashy initiatives. His stories about using humor to process trauma and his regrets about not sharing his experiences with loved ones offer profound insights for officers and their families alike.
Whether you're in law enforcement, love someone who is, or simply want to understand the human beings behind the badge, this episode offers rare insight into what it really takes to protect both the public and the protectors themselves.
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LinkedIn: Vincent Scotto
Email: Vincent@boyz-in-blue.com
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Welcome to Chapter Blue, the podcast where we discuss the world of law enforcement through an honest conversation on tough or controversial topics, real stories, perspectives and experience from officers all around the world. Whether you're here for insights on mental health, self-care, work-life balance, getting into law enforcement, getting out of law enforcement, or just trying to learn about personal and professional challenges officers face every day, you've come to the right place. I'm your host, tyra Valeriano, and whether I'm going solo or speaking with a guest, each episode will discuss different aspects of life behind the badge. Let's turn the page and step into Chapter Blue. Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of Chapter Blue. Today I want to introduce to you Vincent Scotto. He is currently in Florida, but he worked 20 years for New York PD and I am a fan. He has been retired from law enforcement for 13 years now and he is working hard in the wellness space to make changes that will help officers today. Thank you for joining me today, vincent. Will you tell our listeners a little bit more about your background and what you're doing today?
Vincente Scotto:Sure, thank you, tyra. I appreciate this opportunity to talk to you and your listeners and viewers. So, yeah, I spent 20 years with the New York City Police Department and I'm still alive to talk about it, so that's good, and currently, like you had said, I've been gone for 13 years. It's been a bit, but I feel that's important in the sense that where I am now, with being an advocate for mental wellness for our law enforcement officers, I've had time to process a 20 year police career and do a lot of self work. A 20-year police career and do a lot of self-work to figure out some things that I didn't deal with while I was on the police department and I had to learn how to transition from a job, a calling, a profession in which there was a lot of structure, to something less than a career where you had a lot of interaction with fellow officers and people out in the general public, to kind of having to reinvent yourself and find a different path.
Tyra Valeriano:And I know this for a fact because I lived it myself. It's not York PD, because you guys have it crazy out there and I really I enjoy storytelling and I know in past conversations that we have had that. That's something that you like to do. We will get into that here in a little bit. But being that you came from New York PD and now you're in Florida, what took you to Florida York?
Vincente Scotto:PD and now you're in Florida. What took you to Florida? Let's see the weather, the lifestyle, I can go on and on. So it's interesting. I've always had a presence in Florida since I'm a teenager. My mom and dad bought a place in 1986 in West Palm Beach, florida, and I just loved it and I always envisioned myself having some sort of presence here. Believe it or not, I considered leaving the New York city police department at one point to take a law enforcement job here in Florida and I realized it just wasn't the right fit and I'm glad I stayed. But conversely, I'm glad I'm here now, at least part-time. I'm very active with sports and I just really enjoy it. I country line dance, I play pickleball.
Tyra Valeriano:Nice, very nice. Okay, well, I want to jump into how you got started in the wellness space. So you've been out for 13 years now. At what point did you feel that you were able to process what you went through in your career and why did it lead you down this path that you're on now?
Vincente Scotto:Sure. So it's interesting. For whatever reason and I've shared this with other people in the space I've always felt comfortable with sharing my own trajectory, my own story, and I attribute that to the way I was raised. I come from an Italian Catholic background very close knit family, and my parents raised me to be confident and to be proud of who I was and not be afraid to talk about things, and I think I share that because it carried over into the police department. You're working with all different types of people men, women, different races, different ethnicities and you're out there dealing with the general public and, like they say, it's a melting pot. So I just use my own personal way of communicating. And then I was able to build on that with my experience down in the police department. I say all this because I'm not afraid to talk about myself. I'm not afraid to talk about things on a more personal level if the other party is interested in going in that direction. So I always kind of had this way. When I would work with other people, we would talk about life, conversations would come up and I always felt that I had a knack for it and fast forward.
Vincente Scotto:As I became a supervisor and I had more experience, I became in a way a mentor maybe some of the younger officers, but also a good sounding board for some of my other colleagues when there were kind of things going on that maybe they just needed a little counsel or just someone to listen to. They just needed a little counsel or just someone to listen to. So it kind of started a while ago. But fast forward, throughout my own journey and going through some difficult times while I was on the job and then post-career, I needed to learn how to process some of the pain, some of the frustration, some of the sadness, just life stuff, never mind the police department and things that happened while I was on the job, but my issues in a lot of ways kind of happened off the job dealing with with family, with personal, intimate relationships. I struggled with that piece. So I needed to learn how to deal with coping skills, to excuse me, acquire coping skills and learn some things along the way to make me better suited to become a human being again, for lack of a better expression.
Vincente Scotto:I didn't realize with the police department, inherently, how it changed me. I don't blame the police department, but most people that don't wear the uniform and don't walk in our shoes. It's hard for them to fully comprehend how that job changes you. I agree with that. Yeah, and I didn't realize it at the time. It took me. It took me a long time to figure that part out, so fast forward. Yeah, I'm sorry.
Tyra Valeriano:I'm sorry. I just wanted to mention that. There's a saying that I live by, and it's people who join law enforcement go in wanting to change the world and they get out with the world changing them. And it's people who join law enforcement go in wanting to change the world and they get out with the world changing them. And it doesn't really resonate with people until they've actually done it. And when they get out, it doesn't matter if you've done two years, 10 years, 20 years. There is some part of you that when you get out into the civilian world and you're trying to figure yourself out, you realize, holy hell, I'm a whole different person, just because of the job that I did. I didn't mean to interrupt you, but I just thought that was a really good point.
Vincente Scotto:No, that's okay. That's okay. I can be long-winded. I'm Italian. I've already said that, so fast forward now.
Vincente Scotto:I've always been looking for an opportunity to pay it forward, so to speak. When I was in my deepest, darkest place and I hit what I consider my personal rock bottom, there were people that were there as I was trying to find my way and crawling, that were there to assist me, and I never forgot and I will never forget. I never forgot and I will never forget what that felt like, and I remember, at my worst moment, just as I was just starting to come out, I remember having this kind of epiphany and saying you need to do something with this at some point. And as I started getting back to who I was and building the strength, I realized that there's a higher purpose for me. There was a reason why I had to go through the things I had to go through to get where I am currently, and where that is is to be an advocate for our underserved law enforcement community, our first responder community.
Vincente Scotto:I feel it's an underserved community and I feel there are issues at play that aren't being dealt with at the ground level and we can get into that, we can break that down, but it's something that over the years has been gnawing at me and I've been doing little things. But this last year I really, really jumped in with both feet. I got certified to be a law enforcement coach. I've worked with some officers throughout the country and I took it another step further to come on these podcasts to talk about my story, to be an advocate. My hope is to continue on this path and do some public speaking engagements and I'm writing these funny police stories that I'm hoping I will publish. And it ties into the whole mental wellness piece and what my why truly is.
Tyra Valeriano:That's great. I'm actually curious to hear what your perspective is on what the issue is on the ground level, because that can be different for everybody and from guests that I've had in the past. Not everybody feels the same. So, for example, you mentioned that a lot of the issues that you struggled with were not even job related. It was more in your personal life, and I can relate to that because in my story I've talked about how it wasn't the job itself, but I leaned a lot into my job and I wasn't dealing with the issues that were going on in my personal life. So you know, not everybody may have that same issue or that same experience. So what is your perspective on what the issues are on the ground when it comes to what's going on in law enforcement?
Vincente Scotto:Sure. So what I realized back then and I realized in 2025, not much has changed. We have police officers regardless of rank, but let's just start from start, from the rank and file. They feel that they're micromanaged. They feel that they don't have a voice personally. They're not necessarily going to tell someone about it because they're in fear of retribution, being ostracized, being criticized, and that is a big problem, and I will have this conversation with anyone throughout the country. I'm not suggesting that there aren't agencies that are more forward thinking, but in my experience while I was on the police department and what I've come to learn in this last year, two years it's a situation where money is getting thrown at the problem. We're not dealing with the problem. And if someone were to ask me right now okay, vin, what's the solution?
Vincente Scotto:From my perspective, based upon 20 years of a law enforcement career, subsequently being on the other side of that, having my own demons that I needed to excise, I have a very, very simple way of looking at it. I'm not saying it's easy, but the answer is simple and what? That is what we're doing now, or what we're going to get into, hopefully over the course of this podcast, to talk about what's behind the curtain, to talk about the things we struggle with personally and professionally, to not be ashamed, to not be afraid, to be in an environment where you can share that information. And it stays there. Now, granted, if there's a situation where there needs to be another layer of intervention, that's a different conversation but at a minimum, to feel comfortable enough to say hey, I'm dealing with some stuff here and I don't know what to do. I don't know where to turn, I'm circling the drain, I need help. No-transcript.
Tyra Valeriano:You know New York and I'm sure you're very aware of this. But a couple years back I remember New York PD being in the news a lot because there were a lot of officers committing suicide in New York. And it always brought me to the question and I think everybody wants the answer and we don't know. Know, but being that you've worked there, being that we both have a law enforcement background and we can say, hey, I struggled with the personal aspect of things, not necessarily the job. What do you think out of New York PD is a struggle that most officers have, because obviously there's something going on there that has resulted in a lot of officers committing suicide in that department. From your experience, what do you think is the biggest struggle for them?
Vincente Scotto:Okay, would you like you want my experience or what I know to be true right now? And they're very similar. Go for both. I'll start with mine. Everything I just shared with you still exists.
Vincente Scotto:I don't want to use the word or the S word, stigma. Everyone throws that word out there. I don't want to use that word, even though I just said it. When people feel that they can't share something that's personal to them and they can't trust a colleague or a supervisor an immediate supervisor, they will be silent. So when we talk about the blue wall of silence, until we bring that wall down and we communicate and we support, this will continue to happen over and over.
Vincente Scotto:I don't care how many PowerPoint presentations, how many seminars, how many dog and pony shows of a presentation that we put out there. We need to retain, we need retention, we need recruitment. It's meaningless until we take care of the people that have already been sworn, that are actively doing the job, and we support them from the bottom up and the top down. I'm not saying that there's not accountability. There is an accountability piece. But when we play the game of I just heard a rumor and I'm going to tell the next person and they're going to tell the next person and now things get blown out of proportion and you're breaking that trust and you're creating something without knowing what's really going on. Words hurt and that's a problem. And to add to that, I'm hearing that the rank and file aren't being treated appropriately by their supervisors. They're being micromanaged, they are being spoken to in a very condescending way and it's the do as I say, not as I do, mentality, and that has consequences.
Vincente Scotto:Now, I'm not saying that that's the be all, end all. There are other things outside the professional part. There's the fear factor that people don't want to talk about, going out with the idea, hey, I might not come back, this might be it for me. That plays a role in your overall being on a day-to-day. Or having to go out in the field and put on that persona of I'm invincible.
Vincente Scotto:What happens when that uniform comes off? And now you have to graduate back to your personal life and you have all those emotions inside on a day to day. They just stick on you like post-it notes and you don't process them. You just keep going from job to job, incident to incident. You just keep going from job to job, incident to incident, and we're the ones that have to be in control. We're the ones that have to make quick decisions, and we live in a polarizing society and we all know how the police are viewed Right, wrong or indifferent. It's beside the point. We're not robots, we're human beings, and when we feel that we can't share our emotions and be human, especially among our colleagues, our peers, you tell me, tyra, are you not surprised?
Tyra Valeriano:you know, I'm not I'm not, but what I will say is that there is also this perception, right? So you have people who have always dreamed of being a police officer. Then you have people like me that didn't have that dream growing up, but I became a police officer and we all thoroughly enjoy the job and we have this idea that we are invincible. Why? Because that is what the job portrays. This is the idea that is given to people, and there is something that I learned now that I got out, and this is how. A part of the reason why I got on this mental health and wellness for first responders journey is because I started to realize that I didn't go in knowing all of these things. None of us know these things. We learn these things along the way and we honestly don't realize it till we get out, because these conversations that I have with guests or other people that I've met along the way they some of the people who are still in law enforcement disagree. You know they're like this is the best job in the world. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not struggling with anything. You know, I'm happy with my job and I'm glad. I am happy that you are experiencing that, but there is a reality that we are not seeing because we're in the job. We're in law enforcement. This is just this persona that we've become because we had this idea. This is what law enforcement is, persona that we've become because we had this idea. This is what law enforcement is. And we aren't prepared. So when we get out, we're dealing with the aftermath of what we've done for 5, 10, 15, 20 years, and now we're sitting here thinking, holy shit, you know, this sucks.
Tyra Valeriano:And this is why I think these conversations are important, because my way of thinking now is to let this information come out. I know that cops are out there listening to this that don't agree with this, so they're probably thinking I'm fine, you know, I don't feel like I need to process anything, and that's okay. But people who are getting into the field at least give them a head start and say, hey, this is real. You're hearing this from people who have been retired, people who have done the job. These are the stories that you're hearing.
Tyra Valeriano:So take it for what it's worth, but prepare yourself so that way you can work on these things during your career and when you get out, you're not facing what the rest of us are facing or realizing, and then it's too late for you. Work on your home life, work on your work-life balance, work on your wellness, all these things matter because eventually it will catch up to you and we all fall into this statistic, and that's what I think is important. And this is why I was curious to hear what your perspective was, because obviously this is something that, like I said, was in the news for a while in New York PD, and I was just curious to hear what you had to say.
Vincente Scotto:So if I can just share a couple of things, just so you understand and your listeners are clear, I had a love-hate relationship with the New York City Police Department and you shared a little bit of the negative piece that I've been privy to currently and what I experienced when I was active. But we have this saying, and you might have heard it in law enforcement, but it would perpetuate in the New York City Police Department when you leave the police department, you would say I miss the clowns, but I don't miss the circus, right?
Tyra Valeriano:Yeah.
Vincente Scotto:So I miss the clowns and what I mean by that. I had a very interesting, unique experience during the trajectory of my career from 1992 to 2012, where I have so many vivid, fond memories of the people I worked with, not saying I always worked with the greatest people. There was a very small percentage of people that didn't belong, and that's in every career, but the vast majority I have this connection to and I come from a place of humor. And when I say that place of humor and when I say that, what led me ultimately, when I think about it, into the police department? My dad is a retired police officer from New York City. He worked predominantly in the 70s. My mom and I my mother and my father, excuse me would have parties at the house, so colleagues would come over and they were characters and I would hear these stories and they were exciting, they were funny, and my dad is going to be 80 years old and he still tells these stories. So I have this way of spinning a story based upon the funny things that happened, not saying there weren't serious things and tragic incidents, but I never really focused on that. Me, in my opinion, relatively sane and safe was that connection with being able to laugh at ourselves, at each other. It created this bond that I'll never, ever forget and I'm so grateful for it, so, so grateful.
Vincente Scotto:I connect with people now that I haven't seen in many years and we laugh so hard. My stomach hurts from laughing and we're brought back to a period in our lives that we experienced this. They say I'll never forget it a chief when we first came on the police department, he said this is the greatest show on earth, and he was right. And I had a front row seat to this and I write about these things. You don't even have to be a police officer to laugh, because it's the human condition. There's so many things that we can talk about that are horrible. Why focus on that? If you don't have to, I'm willing to go there, but I try to use humor in this shared experience of being a law enforcement officer with anyone, of being a law enforcement officer with anyone. It doesn't matter male, female, anywhere in the country.
Vincente Scotto:I can connect with people, have this little story to make them laugh and they can say you know what? I had a similar occurrence and now we just connected. We're not strangers anymore and now I have this way of saying you know what's going on with you, or I'll pick up on something and I'll ask the question and, believe it or not, I would say nine and a half out of 10 times I get to the, I just get an opening and that's all I need is an opening, and that's what I feel we need in the mental wellness for law enforcement officers, for first responders. Give them the opening, Give them that little bit of hey, I was there. This is some of the things I did, some of the things I struggled with, and now they feel they have someone that they can relate to. And I'm not taking anything away from the clinicians out there and the other professional people that are out there doing the right thing.
Vincente Scotto:But, I hate to say it, there's a lot of posers out there too, and that bothers me and I'll tell you why, because you know as well as I do. Cops see through the bullshit. Cops are a cynical group. You open that door just for one minute and they smell that bullshit. That door closes and it's never opening again. That bothers me, that gets me angry, and I think people like you myself, some other people that we've met in this space, have to double down and from the rooftops, tell these people guess what? If you're not getting what you need with your immediate circle and the people in your profession, come to us. We're going to stand beside you and we're going to fight those demons. We're going to fight those monsters and we're going to get to the heart of the matter.
Vincente Scotto:I hate to say this. You're not alone. We hear that a million times. I'm kind of sick of it, but I know how it felt to be in that dark place, tyra, and I remind myself every day and that inspires me. If I can, if I can get out there, if there's one person out here right now that hears this and and picks up on this emotion. This is not fake. This is who I am and they reach out to me. Hey, I saw you on this podcast with Tyra. I'm having some, some struggle. You know what I'm going to do, tyra. I'm going to talk to that person because I know how it felt like to not have any hope, that nothing mattered in my life, and that's terrible. That's a terrible feeling and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. So sorry for being long-winded. I get emotional about this.
Tyra Valeriano:No, don't apologize. There's actually a couple couple things I wanted to pick up on from what you said. The bonds that we make with people in law enforcement I guess maybe military can relate to this, but maybe even then it's still a lot different because you know, we are dealing with life or death every day, not just certain times of the year, or we're not on a deployment. I'm not comparing the two because they both are very different but the bonds that we create with these people, we're working with them every single day for years, doing the same thing, and I wanted to agree with you that I feel that those are great memories to look back on.
Tyra Valeriano:And you know, I didn't have, I didn't get along with everybody in my agency. I worked in a smaller agency but I was very selective and, just like you said, some people can read through the bullshit. There's some people who can't, and that's what separated me from choosing the people that I chose to make a bond with very wisely. And now I can talk about those things with those people and have a good laugh and when you really think about, wow, this sounds demented. You know we're over here talking about this time that we said this or we did this and it doesn't really sound funny, but it's funny because we were there and we know it was funny, you know. So it's just this bond that nobody else is going to understand.
Tyra Valeriano:And then you talked about, you know, people trying to get in this space to help officers, and maybe we can call them a fraud, I don't know. But one thing that I do feel is upsetting is that we're not saying, just like you said, you're not alone. We're not trying to pull out these emotions and make it sound like it's rock bottom and we're trying to scrape you up from the ground. That's not the goal here, at least for me and I'm sure for you. It's really knowing that we understand that there are issues that need to be addressed and we aren't trying to sell an agency something that is looking good. It looks good from the outside, but it's not really doing anything for the issues that law enforcement is facing.
Vincente Scotto:And I do feel like it is a little bit of mirrors.
Tyra Valeriano:Yeah, it's a little unfair because I have seen it. I know you've seen it and it's you know. You look at it. The agency is making this move. They're investing this amount of money towards a company or a program and it looks good from the outside, it sounds good. The agency can say, hey, we're doing our part. You know we're invested in this for our officers. Now we don't have to touch it.
Tyra Valeriano:But is that program or that whatever you're investing in, really what it is for the issue that law enforcement is facing? I think that's where we're at now is now the message is out there. So who is real and who is not, and what's going to work and what's not? Where are you going to put your money? Are you going to put your money where it looks good from the outside and you can say, oh, we've already addressed this issue, we don't have to worry about it anymore because we pay for this to be for officers if they want it? Or is it more like, well, we invested in this and officers are using it? We see a difference in the issues that we were facing. We're seeing some improvement. This is working. There's a huge difference between the two.
Vincente Scotto:So you know the term. I'm sure you heard CYA. Cover your ass right.
Tyra Valeriano:Yeah, of course Now.
Vincente Scotto:I'm not suggesting that there aren't agencies throughout the country, like I said earlier, that aren't forward thinking. But where's the accountability? Thinking, but where's the accountability? Where are the metrics? To your point to say, okay, here's a program, this is how we're implementing it, this is the buy-in, these are the results. And what do we do? Do we have a paradigm shift where, okay, we evaluate this, this is working, this is not, and we move in a different direction. We focus on other aspects of the program. This has to be an evolving kind of thing.
Vincente Scotto:Now the New York City Police Department, one of the first agencies to start, comstat. You've heard of Comstat? Right, yeah, all the crime stats, all the commanding officers at every precinct are held accountable for the statistics of crime within their precinct. How about a mental wellness component? How about the accountability of being responsible for the rank and file?
Vincente Scotto:These are the people that go out every day and are interacting with the general public. So not only do we want them to be their best selves for the general public, but to be as efficient as they can, to be professionals, not only in the workplace but also when they take off that uniform. And now they have to segue back into their personal lives. They're not just tools that you use and then put back in the toolbox. These are human beings and, as we both know from our own experiences, life is messy. Whether you're a police officer or not, life is messy. I think we have another added piece because of the profession that we chose and we are in the limelight a lot of times and we are second guess we have to that added pressure of almost being perfect, and you and I both know we're imperfect creatures. We are not computers, so there's a disconnect there of change in law enforcement.
Tyra Valeriano:I've had some feedback that isn't so positive. You know, I've had people tell me. You know, if you feel like there is a problem, then maybe you should get back on the street and, you know, solve the problem. But it's not that I've already done the job. The job being on the street doing the job is not the problem. The problem is so much more than that. You know, we talk about leadership, we talk about resources in my agency and you've mentioned not taking away from other departments or agencies that might actually be doing something for their officers. But my agency didn't have a lot of resources and do I think that it was a something done on purpose? No, but now that I see how it could have benefited some of the officers that worked for me and I didn't have that resource to give them. This is why I'm choosing to do this, because I don't have to be on the street to say let me help, you have what you need so that you can rock the shit out of the street and you can do your job and go home and be happy. And yeah, it's not going to be rainbows and butterflies every day, but at least it's going to be something you're enjoying in life and you're not going to sit there at the end of the day and hate your wife or hate your husband and not want to be around your kids because you are overstimulated and you are on edge from the day that you had. But you have these resources that you don't have to go to a supervisor for. You have these resources that you can say, hey, I have access to this. I'm going to do or reach out to whichever one applies to me and what I'm going through today, and I don't have to worry about losing my job because I have this for me and my department or my agency gave me this list or brochure of resources to help me.
Tyra Valeriano:That is a start right, and I don't know. I just feel that it's important. I don't have to go back on the street to make this change. You don't have to do that. We've both lived the job, we know what it takes, we enjoy it.
Tyra Valeriano:I still love law enforcement. I mean, if you were to ask me, would you go back to law enforcement? My answer would be no, unless I have to. But I would never just say no, I would never go back, because I do love law enforcement, I love the job, I loved what I did, but this is just a different aspect of things, and I think it's important that people like us, who have experienced it, can come out and say, hey, we're noticing these things now that we're out and I don't want you to have to go through this, so let me tell you what we're going through. We'll share our experience. Take what you want, but apply it to your life so that when you get out, you don't have to worry about these things and you can enjoy your life outside of law enforcement. You can save a lot of time not having to process, heal, recognize that you're not human, and how do I get back into the family life? How do I enjoy life outside of law enforcement? You don't have to worry about those things if you start now.
Vincente Scotto:Good point. So if I could just unpack some of that because there's a lot right and I would like the viewers to know this tying into what you said, this conversation that we're having and kind of kicking it around, we're not shitting on the current state of affairs with policing as with policing, but what we are doing is we're pointing out some things that we experienced, two separate agencies, but some similar experiences where, hey, maybe there's a better way. It doesn't have to be a way I mean sorry, the way it could be a way where, hey, let's look at this a little differently, maybe we have an opportunity to Glean some knowledge and information on having our personnel better suited for their profession, but also better suited for when they take off the uniform. So there's two components there. There's the professional side of us as law enforcement officers and there's the personal side, and we both know this. Sometimes they meld into one and you might be an unbelievable police officer out there and you have a high tolerance for stress. A high tolerance for stress and, for whatever reason, you're able to process the nature of that job, some of the negative things, that to transition personally, because they're constantly faced with problem solution, they don't have time to get all kumbaya and hey, let's talk about our feelings. They have to be decision makers and I know my own personal experience. If I'm being honest with myself, looking back, I took that controlling nature and it seeped into aspects of my personal life as a husband, as a father, and I had to learn to change that way of communicating. And that's me. That's just one example of something that I had to recognize.
Vincente Scotto:It's different for everyone. Maybe you have the flip. You have someone that's able to communicate in their personal life. They have all their ducks in a row, but now when they come to work, they struggle with, maybe, certain aspects of the job. They have a hard time getting their mind right protect themselves and to protect the people they work with and to protect the community. You know, everyone is different. Everyone handles stress differently, everyone handles their career differently.
Vincente Scotto:But when we just put a blank, make a blanket statement and we throw everyone in the same basket and we throw resources at them but we don't give them an opportunity to actually communicate what they need and we don't have the conversations to not only talk about the resources but okay, this resource, you could come to speak to a peer support person and this is how it's structured. Maybe there's something some of these forward thinking departments have yoga, they have meditation, they have mindfulness things that, as a young officer, I was never taught, that was never made available to me. These are things that I had to learn post my police career. Now I'm not saying that at the time I needed those resources. But here's the thing, and I think you touched on it when you do and you don't know where to turn and you're swimming in it, what do you do?
Vincente Scotto:It's like it's. It's like we used to joke around and say you don't, you don't need, you, don't, you don't need a parachute until you need a parachute, right. It's like when you're, when you're in that situation and you need a resource and you don't have it, what do you do? You excuse my French, but you're fucked. What do you do? Excuse my French, but you're fucked. Sorry, curse, but you're fucked, right, and that's the worst feeling. It's like. Just imagine you and I are out in the field and we're dealing with the violent perp and now that perp takes our gun. Now we have one less tool to deal with this, this threat. Right, it's no different with these other resources If they're not made available and then subsequently explained before you're in that situation. They're kind of useless in a lot of ways. Just because it looks good on a brochure doesn't mean it's it's going to work.
Tyra Valeriano:Yeah, no, I agree with that and you know, now, thinking about it, it's not really the resource part. I think that because this is still a space that a lot of law enforcement are not open to you mentioned yoga, you mentioned meditation. I've had a handful of people that are still in law enforcement that think it's dumb. You know what I don't need to do yoga. I'm a guy I don't got to do that. That's not for me and, granted, I get the perspective that they're coming from it. It's not for everybody, but you can't knock it till you try it. It doesn't mean that you're going through stuff at work, that you need yoga or you need meditation or in your personal life. It really is just the stress factor. And I, you mentioned you're a coach and everybody should probably know by now that I'm also a law enforcement coach and I talked to my clients about going back to their baseline and that is where there's another struggle is we don't know how to back to their baseline, and that is where there's another struggle is we don't know how to go to our baseline. We go to these calls, we shoot up and we stay up and then by the time we get home we're below the baseline and we're out of energy. We just don't have enough of anything to give to our family, to ourself. So I try to teach them to go back to your baseline.
Tyra Valeriano:If you go to a hot call, whatever, learn to calm yourself down.
Tyra Valeriano:Breathing techniques, I mean meditation, these are things that come in handy and it's not because you need to process the scene or you're struggling with it.
Tyra Valeriano:It's more for you and how you feel and how you're going to process the day and how you're going to feel at the end of the day, the way you're going to sleep at night, because if you don't go back to that baseline, you're not going to sleep very good because you're still high, you know, you're through the roof with your adrenaline and you're not going to sleep that way. So if you work on these things, it's not necessarily because you're struggling with calls or with scenes, or with the department or with your personal life, but it's really just so you can have a decent life, you can sleep good, you can eat well, you can communicate with your family well, your friends, whatever the case may be. And I just thought it was really good to touch on that, because you know, like you said, there's resources out there and they're not being used because there's just this idea that it's dumb, it's not going to work.
Vincente Scotto:So, to add to that, one of the other examples that I like to mention journaling. Some people feel I don't need a diary and I got to be honest with you. I learned that skill and I can't stress enough how good it is, regardless of where you are in life are in life, things could be going great, things could be really bad, somewhere in the middle ups, you know, down sideways, it doesn't matter. There's something magical about having a thought and you're on that hamster wheel, even if it's not even legible, and you just take pen to paper old school and you just get it from your brain on paper. There's this release, and that's kind of what you were referring to with either talking about a call, some of these other things that we're learning now in this new world yoga, meditation, mindfulness, all this stuff. If it works for you, great. There's no reason to just blow it off and say, oh, that's ridiculous, give it a try.
Vincente Scotto:Some people consider me an alpha guy. I'm a sports guy. I come from, like I said, this Italian Catholic background, insulated to a degree, the police department and you know that culture. I do these things. These are things that I implement in my daily life. I'm not saying that I do every single thing, but I have tried the things that we're discussing, tried the things that we're discussing and what works for me is getting it on the paper. Things I'm thinking about and I talk to my people that I work with and we have these conversations. I listen to them, I ask them questions so they could find their own answers, but focus in a way where we get to the problem, whatever it is going on. We talk about it, we process it, we offer some suggestions, ideas to think about. I have a friend that just shared this with me this past week, because I've been talking about some of the things that I'm looking to do with this realm. We're in to really, really make an impact through it.
Vincente Scotto:Meaning they go through stuff, whether it be personal or professional. They don't talk about it, they don't process it. So, therefore, where's the growth? Where's the learning curve? It's like, tyra, if you and I are partners on patrol and we go to a job, right, and we're dealing with an emotionally disturbed person and, by the luck of God, just we are so lucky that we get this close to getting slashed or whatever, and we get cuffs on this person and we're good, but we don't have that conversation.
Vincente Scotto:Hey, we could have maybe done this, we could have handled this a little better and learned from maybe this. The result was good, but how we got there could have been maybe handled a little bit better to have that conversation. Let's use an example in our personal lives. You and I are working together and I share with you. Yeah, I got into a fight with my wife and this is what I said to her and you just like blow it off and like, okay, you know whatever, I don't want to hear about your problems, whereas you actually listened and, from a woman's perspective, gave me a little insight that could help me. That's communication, right, both a professional example of communication and a personal example of communication, all in the confines of a police car this has to happen more.
Tyra Valeriano:There's a lot of can of worms. I guess you can it that I think people, I agree with you, I 100% agree. However, there's a mindset that I know a lot of officers have. For example and this is kind of where the statistic falls in with divorce rates in law enforcement is because you do get close to the people that you work with and these conversations some people do have them and if it is that way, the spouse of that officer may not take it in the way that it's coming across. So, like you said, for us it's that listening ear, that advice that we're seeking, so that we can work on our relationship, whereas the wife or the husband might be upset that why are you talking about our relationship issues with your partner? You know that that's crossing a boundary and you know that might cause more issues in the marriage. So I haven't gotten here yet in the podcast. But obviously the spouse aspect there is. There's a lot to discuss there because there is a lot that spouses don't understand, especially if they have never been a police officer.
Tyra Valeriano:And I've always heard don't date a cop, right, I'm sure you've heard it. Don't date a cop, cops, don't date cops. I've heard it my whole career. Even today I still see it circulating. But I mean I can't say that I'm totally against that. I know a lot of couples in law enforcement that are both police officers. They are great, they have a great relationship. But I feel like it's because there's an understanding there. They don't have that jealousy factor. They don't have that stress factor of why are you talking to your partner about our relationship? That just adds stress to the officer. And this is where the conversation brings in the spouse hey, what can you do to help your officer not be stressed about what he's got going on at home? And then they just kind of lean into their job, you know.
Vincente Scotto:So if I can just give you my example, personal example, with that aspect, it's not exact but it just makes me think One of the pieces of my marriage that caused it to fail and there's a bunch of different things and I own my part in this, but I thought I was protecting my spouse by not talking about things that I experienced at work and that was a big mistake. I bring that up in the context of I think if you have open communication with an intimate partner and they feel like they're part of that police world, you might not necessarily have that issue if they were to hear that you were confiding in a colleague and just for the record, I'm only using the example of you and I, because you're a female and I'm a guy and we're having this conversation, you know, if the host was a guy, I would say the my particular case. I did not share aspects of the police department with my spouse and I regret that. You know, when I just made that comment that my friend shared, I didn't grow from that. It took me a long time post the career to really have that resonate with me and I can't go back. I can only go forward. But what I can do is I can share this with the next generation of officer, the current generation, the next generation of officer, the current generation, and I think that's powerful and I think that's why we're here, and it's not you and I criticizing what's happening, because we're not in it anymore. We really care because we see what transpired in our own personal experiences being law enforcement, being on the other side, communicating with other people that are either still on, people we coach and occasionally we talk to people I said earlier in our conversation and my kids, if they were here right now, they would crack up because they've been hearing this for years.
Vincente Scotto:We'd have these conversations in the car and I would always say communication is the key. These conversations in the car, and I would always say communication is the key, we're all right. All of this ties back to communication. If you can't have that vulnerable, open conversation, it doesn't have to start that way. But if we can get to that place where I can share with Tyra some of the things I'm struggling with, knowing she's gonna listen, will be empathetic, not saying that she's going to placate me, because maybe I need some tough love, but then again, maybe I need something else, but you're mindful enough to know I can provide a place for Vin to release some of this frustration, this pain, this uneasy feeling, this anxiety. Perhaps. Uneasy feeling this anxiety perhaps, and just by me feeling comfortable, that I could talk to a colleague like that is incredible.
Tyra Valeriano:Yeah, I agree with everything you said. We're running out of time, but I'm hoping that maybe we can touch base again and jump on another podcast in the near future, because I feel like there's a lot that even right now I can just bounce off of what you said, and we can continue this conversation probably for hours. But before we end our podcast for today, is there any contact information that you want to share with listeners so they can reach out to you if they need to?
Vincente Scotto:Sure, and thank you for offering that, because it's very important to me. If there's anyone that I could help in any way, I really, I really would like to do that. The easiest way to connect with me is on LinkedIn. Vincent Scotto, it'll come up. You should be able to find me and I have an email address that, if someone wants to check in that way and it's Vincent V-I-N-C-E-N-T at boys B-O-Y-Z, slash I-N-B-L-Ucom. And actually sorry, after the I-N, there's another dash.
Tyra Valeriano:Okay, I'll put that in the notes.
Vincente Scotto:Yeah, vincent at boysinbluecom and girls in blue are included too.
Tyra Valeriano:Well, vincent, thank you so much for your time. I think this was a great conversation. I have no doubts that this could continue on for several hours more if we had the time to do so, but I hope to have you on again in the future, because I think that there's still a lot of topics that we can go into that we've discussed in the past off the record, that I feel like are important for others to hear. So thank you again for your time.
Vincente Scotto:Is there anything you want to leave for the, for the listeners, before we enter our podcast? Sure, first of all, I would love to come back. I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am. I'm really glad that we made this connection and I could be an asset and a resource, so I would love that, I guess what I would like to say for those out there be part of the solution, not part of the problem. Don't make a situation worse by not knowing the the full scope of it and repeating something that may or may not be true. I only say that because, as police, we have a tendency to be our own worst enemy and something that could be dealt with in house or amongst our colleagues. We make it bigger than it should be and, like I said earlier, words hurt. There's no reason for that.
Tyra Valeriano:Well, that's good. I like that For the listeners. Thank you guys for tuning in today and stay safe. We'll see you guys on the next one. Thank you, vincent. Thank you for joining me on Chapter Blue. If you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to follow and tag me on social media and share with your friends and fellow officers. If you're interested in joining an episode, I'd love for you to be a part of the conversation. Until next time, stay safe, take care of yourself and remember you're never alone in this journey.