Chapter Blue
Tyra Valeriano, host of Chapter Blue, comes with 11 years of law enforcement experience and talks about mental health, self-care, work-life balance and more. Through honest conversations and personal experience, Chapter Blue allows for officers worldwide to share their stories, struggles, and successes both on and off duty and to give the public an insight to what the media has made into such a controversial profession. The podcast will establish the connection to the important topics and struggles in law enforcement and open up to all first responder roles in the new year to address how interchangeable the roles relate to the struggle. Join the conversation, because it’s long overdue!
Chapter Blue
Predators & Protecting Kids with Former Special Agent Christopher Duff
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A smooth DM from “Johnny” can feel like harmless attention until the mask slips. Former special agent Chris Duff joins us to unpack how grooming actually works in the apps and games kids use every day, what law enforcement ran into during the early internet years, and how a shift from arrests to education can protect families. Chris helped stand up one of the first high‑tech crime units and later drafted online solicitation laws. Not only did he see the entire evolution, he was part of the foundation of creating it.
We walk through the playbook predators use: leveraging mutual friends, mirroring interests, and building trust before escalating to explicit demands. Chris explains why kids stay silent over fear of losing their phones, and gives parents a script that keeps the door open. We outline practical, non-negotiable boundaries that cut risk fast like no phones in bedrooms at night, devices charging in the parents’ room, open doors during screen time, and immediate review if a child hides their screen. You’ll also learn how to use iPhone Screen Time to restrict unknown contacts, block app installs, and audit communication inside “safe” apps that quietly enable chat.
Chris shares what grooming, cyberbullying, sextortion looks like from the perspective of a parent and a law enforcement officer. Predators go where kids are, not where parents assume. Learn the terrain, set calm rules, and make home the safest place to tell the truth.
If this conversation helps you, share it with a parent, subscribe for more frontline insights, and leave a review. If you're a first responder, share this with your family and friends so they can be more aware and prepared for the threats our children face today.
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Welcome back to another episode of Chapter Blue. Today I'd like to welcome Chris or Christopher Duff. Thank you for joining me today.
SPEAKER_01:Glad to be here. Thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_00:Chris is a former special agent with a lot of interesting experience, and I'm really excited to talk about some of the programs that he has available to everybody. Chris, tell us a little bit about your background and what you're doing with that today.
SPEAKER_01:Sure. Yeah, I started actually my law enforcement career started as a reserve for the uh as a reserve deputy sheriff for four years patrol, the uniform patrol. And the person that taught in our academy, the law portion of our academy, we became best friends. And uh he was an assistant attorney general at the time. And he said, Look, I'm starting one of the first high-tech crime units in the country. I would love to have your help. And so he pretty much drugged me into that world, and I became a special agent with the attorney general's office. And what uh really was eye-opening, and I'm sure anyone who's ever worked in this field would say the same thing. It blew my mind how defenseless our children were in this space. Uh well, after going through some training, I got a post, I started posing online as a 12-year-old, 13-year-old child, boys and girls. And I could not believe immediately how inundated I became as a child with all of this, this, this deviant behavior that was directed straight at me, where they were literally wanting me to do images, videos, wanting me to talk sexual, all of these kinds of things. And it I just my I never have been the same since then. That was again back in 2005, 2006, when this was all really becoming a thing. Um, so it really changes how you see the world. So at that point, I felt like that there was no one protecting our kids. It really became a personal mission that I really again hasn't left me that our kids are alone in the in cyberspace. I mean, they really they they they feel it, they know it. Because again, as we'll get talking further, when I would do presentations in the public for the parents and for children, I would ask the kids, how many of you know more about the internet than your parents do? And every hand would raise, you know, and in full auditorium, because they knew that there is this generation gap, this technology generation gap. So they're alone, they really have no one to help them guide them through things that, like I was just explaining. So I felt uh overwhelmed with having to protect them and went on this mission to arrest as many predators as I possibly could. And then it became a mission to teach um after after arresting 80 to 90 uh internet predators my first year, which was is mind-blowing. If you just do the math, that's a couple of search warrants every week. And all law enforcement out there listening to this knows how much work goes into that. So you can imagine how many hours of the day that took. Um, was totally away from my family all the time, all that kind of thing. I started realizing that I can only put handcuffs on so many people, right? So many predators. I can only tackle this and arrest so many. But when I teach when I would teach in the public and I would do the presentations for parents and for the youth, they were really engaged and really wanted to know what I was seeing in my online personas. And in that world, they were really interested. And I felt like I changed so many of their lives and became it became a mission that they, if I could create education in them where they do not become victims in the first place, I could affect so much more change than just arresting predators. And so that, and so that became my mission to make sure to teach the kids and the parents more about this world that really nobody knows a lot about, so that they could see the signs, they could, they could know what to look for, and they could possibly not become a victim in the first place.
SPEAKER_00:So I know you said that you jumped into this uh to start this program with your friend. Was it something you were already doing in your law enforcement career? Were you already focused on this area?
SPEAKER_01:Not at all. I mean, I'm a I'm I'm a tech person. I've always always kind of been drawn toward the tech world, but no, I my law enforcement totally all of my law enforcement experience was in uniform patrol. I was given back to my community by by being a reserve officer, and I would give up my time to go right ride uniform patrol in the town where where we lived. And so uh before that I had not, but my my friend, again, he was an assistant attorney general, he knew that I was had that technical side of me, and he said, look, this you know, because if you can rewind all the way back to 2005, I mean you got to realize that this the internet and all of the all of the dangers and laws that were going on were so new. As a matter of fact, we didn't even have the we could when we started the high-tech crime unit, we had to get creative with what we arrested these predators on with the as far as laws are concerned. There weren't any laws on the books. So what we had to do was we had to, if we if the if we got online and posing as a child and and a predator came to us and they were asking us to take these pictures, these videos, they were doing things graphic things in front of us through webcam like masturbation and things of that nature. They've broken laws, right? They've they obviously you're not supposed to do this in front of children. So we with their laws we had to arrest them with in the beginning were things like attempted carnal knowledge of a juvenile, you know, things of that nature. So we knew we had to do something legally. We had to get on, we had to go to the legislature, present a bill, try to get a law passed that actually addressed these specific crimes. And so that's what we did. We we uh helped draft one of the first internet predatory statutes in the country. It was online solicitation of a juvenile for sexual purposes, carried a two-year minimum mandatory sentence for but uh crimes committed against children online that would be either sending them pornography, getting a child to create child pornography, uh, distributing it by sending it back and forth, those kinds of things, or and for obviously uh trying to get them to meet in person for sexual purposes, those kinds of things. Um so it finally gave us something that we could arrest, uh we could deter, right? That's what we have lost far, is to deter that bad behavior, but now we could do something about it. So that's where that kind of led me into the high-tech crime unit. And when I but when I started, when I did some of the training and became uh online undercover agent, then it was just uh it was it was not it didn't stop past there. It just kind of light lit that fire.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, that's that's actually a really huge deal. So congratulations on making pretty much changing history. Um you did mention that there was no laws back around 2005. And before we started the episode, I wanted to add to that because um I was a huge internet user when I was a teenager. And around 13 years old, there was a predator that was trying to get me to meet him. I want to say that I was in my eighth grade year, and he would be telling me how to use the bus stop. You know, you got to come and see me. Um, there was a lot of there was nothing obviously inappropriate, but whenever I told my mom, she went ahead and took me to the police station to file a report. And I remember just all the conversations that this man was having with me and sharing that with the officers, they didn't really know what to do with it. And I didn't know what to do. You know, I was 13 years old and my mom didn't know what to do. So it kind of just went away. Uh, nothing really came out of that. It didn't affect me, of course, in any way. But the fact that I do remember that, I recall that there was just really nothing that they could do. They wanted information, they wanted to find some element of a crime that was being met, but there just wasn't anything. So it's really amazing to hear that you guys were able to change that because that was not long after that. And so I want to say that 2000, maybe 2000 around that time is when that happened. So yeah, it's sure.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and now and now and again, now we're in a totally different place, which is so awesome. You know, there's laws all over the country in every state, but but back then it was that situation. And if you can imagine being a law enforcement, being in law enforcement, if you don't, you're you're searching for the law, you know that there's this isn't right. You know that you need to do something, but you're but you're handcuffed uh literally be uh from being able to do anything because they have you would have to look at it and say, have they broken a law? I mean, there's really no, I can't go arrest them for what, right? But I can tell you right now, 110%, and any parent out there listening, if their child's experience, what you just explained right there, think that's and parents might say, Okay, well, I know that's not right, but it's pretty vanilla. I mean, all they were talking about was the bus stop. And look, that was a predator. 100% no, I would bet my home on that was a predator. They were grooming you, they were they were trying building your trust, they were getting you to tell them things about their about where your environment, your daily routine, and so forth. I mean, we have worked cases that were so similar to what you're talking about. I'll give you an example. We worked one case where uh a girl was what she uh a 15-year-old girl was talking to what she thought was a 16-year-old boy in a neighboring town or whatever, and they were in love, and you know, they're they're uh they had built this online relationship. Well, she was in class and uh a man came to her class when surprisingly when the teacher was not in the room. Now, this you've got to remember back then, this is before the schools are much more secure now, but back then they weren't. So surprisingly, the teacher was not in the room, and then this adult shows up in the room and grabs, gets her out of class and says, Hey, I think you're dating my son. I'm gonna use uh um names that don't that aren't from the investigation. Uh the the you were you're dating my son Johnny. And she goes, Yeah, okay. And she goes, He's well, I'm his father. He was in a in a very bad car accident, and he's in intensive care. He we have him at the hospital down here, but if he's all he requested you. So, okay, sure, of course. Grabs her stuff, starts to starts to leave. If it weren't for a school resource officer that knew the campus, knew what was going on, and saw suspicious activity, that man would have abducted that child. Obviously, he was Johnny. There was no kid. He was the person that was had been grooming this girl all along. So it's stuff like that that happens on a regular basis that parents have to have their radar uh educated where they say, okay, asking about my child's bus stop, uh, unless that's somebody I know in my life that we know is our neighbor or our friend or whatever, that's a problem.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And you know, back then, obviously, I remember uh just like we spoke about before, is I wanted to be outside. I mean, technology wasn't, it was just being introduced at that time. So um we were used to riding our bikes from morning till you know sunset. And you have to be here before the light turns on on the street. And we kind of just were all over the place. And to be quite honest, when I think about it now as a parent, and now that I'm older, I feel like these were not, they just were not talked about as much because the danger was still out there, but parents weren't aware. And now that we're aware, I'm thinking, dang, I can't believe my parents were fine with me just out there riding my bike all day long, all across town.
SPEAKER_01:Well, think about no, think about it this way. And and and people out there that are my age or even your age, you're uh I'm older than you, but that it was the guy in the van with the candy that was the problem, right? It was like, you know, you don't don't take any candy from somebody that pulls up in a van and says, hey, little boy, little girl, you want some candy. That was that was the big concern back then. But it also sucks that we has robbed our kids of all of that. And I try to tell my kids, you know, when we when I was your age and all my friends were your age, we were in the ditches catching snakes, turtles, you know, we were down at the at the at the ballpark or whatever, and we might kiss a girl behind the dugout, you know, and whatever. I mean, that was that was life as a teenager, and that was exciting. You know, we lived out of the house, right? And like you said, mom at a time, you know, you bet you better be here before that streetlight comes on, as we hear in every country music song today, because if you don't, if you don't, there's gonna be hell to pay. We've robbed that of our kids. We can't, I can't imagine telling that to my adult, my seven, my 17-year-old. I can't imagine saying, hey, y'all can you can go do whatever you want in the neighborhood, just make sure you're home before dark. I mean, we would never do that today. No way, no how. And I think it's the phone, right? It's this stupid phone that has really just the technology has done such a it's it's so good for a lot of things. It's amazing technology. We all love it, we live by it, but it has done so many bad things to our world too.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. So tell me about your uh how how you teach parents and kids um about the dangers of the internet, and what is it that you do? Do you go to agencies and teach law enforcement? Do you go to cities and advertise that you are going to be teaching this? Or what is it that you do for these courses that you've taught in the past?
SPEAKER_01:Okay, that's well, let me back up some multi-level questions. So I'll start by saying, what do I do with the presentations and stuff? So I still do presentations when I'm when when asked. So I'll have schools and churches and organizations that have asked in the past, and well, and I'll they'll say, Hey, can you come do that presentation again? So I still do those kinds of things. Um, and I assist law enforcement when they need me to go do presentations. So I'm I'm still very much involved with my law enforcement and but my buddies are still all doing everything that I used to do. Um, they're all my close friends. So what what the but one of the main things when the present what the present why the presentation is so wanted? It's not a presentation like don't put your personal information online. You know, it's not these cookie cutter things that we all know by now. You know, we all know basic internet safety. So it's not really that. It's really what makes it interesting is that it's from the eyes of a child, right? So, what is your child seeing and facing online as themselves? So, being investigators and any investigators out there listening to this, they know what I'm talking about. Anytime you ever have done that, where you actually build a persona online, you go online as a child, and you're living in that in that world, it's mind-blowing from the start. So, what I wanted to do from our presentations was let parents experience that and let the kids experience that. Because you can imagine, we all know we fight for our kids' attention. Um, I mean, I have a 23-year-old son, I have a 17-year-old daughter, and literally, I mean, what does it take to get their attention as a parent? I mean, it you almost literally have to lay down behind the car in the in the driveway to make them say, Oh, dad, you're here. Yeah, well, they barely respond to that. Oh, that's trans text, you know. So anyway, uh, so you got to fight for attention. Well, here's the the amazing experiences that I've had teaching the kids. They were on the edge of their seat when they're when they're here in the presentation. I start the presentation out showing them one of my past online undercover personas, and I show them who I pose as. And I think right away they identify and they say, Oh my gosh, wait a minute. Here's an adult who understands what I see every day. I mean, nobody my parents could never, they have no idea. And what the funny thing is, the first the first uh uh emotion is fear because they go, Oh crap, an adult actually knows what I'm experiencing, and they go, uh-oh, because that's not good, right? Because they know automatically that what they see parents don't have any clue. They think that parents are clueless anyway, because again, they just don't know. I'll go back to our retro days, you know, that was the Playboy under the bed, you know, that we would find in the garbage or we'd hide somewhere. I mean, that was the worst of the worst when we were younger. Um, and we can thinking about that today is just really mind-blowingly funny that that was bad. Like if they we got caught doing that, my mother would have had an absolute conniption fit. I'd have been grounded for six months, you know, and so forth. Don't bring that smud in my house, you know, all that. So now we have the phone, which gives them access to the most deviant behavior that mankind knows. It doesn't matter from one end of the spectrum to the other. And then you've got predators that are constantly in their spaces trying to manipulate them and desensitize their brains to this types of material so that they can exploit them and get them to do it, right? So when I when I start the presentation, I show them I'm a I'm one of them and I'm in their online spaces, I got their attention. I mean, they're glued. Now they're going, okay, where is this going? What's he gonna say next? And then I show them how it can happen to them, right? So, in other words, I I explained to them, I said, Do y'all really think, and when I ask y'all a question, do y'all really think that a predator is gonna show up in your DMs and go, how you doing? I'm a 62-year-old pedophile, and I'm gonna try to manipulate you by sending you XYZ. I'm gonna try to manipulate you by telling you I'm 17 and I'm a good-looking guy from a neighboring county, and then I'm gonna build some rapport with you, and then I'm gonna really socket to you with some sexual deviant behavior. Do you really think that's gonna happen? And they go, No, I guess not, right? They kind of laugh and you hear mummerings and you hear them chuckling and whatever. It's like, okay, well, let me show you how it's gonna happen. And then I do that. I walk them through. Here's my persona. I'm I'm a 14-year-old girl, 13-year-old girl, whatever. I tell them where at school I go to, I tell them what my likes are, what my dislikes are, I tell them what I do on the weekends, I tell all that kind of stuff. And then I say, Well, let me introduce you to, like I said earlier, Johnny. Johnny lives in a neighboring town, he's pretty good looking. When you say girls, and they're like, ha ha ha ha ha, they laugh, whatever. Well, he does this, X, Y, Z, he goes, and I tell them all the same things. Well, he doesn't know you directly, but he knows a friend of a friend that goes to your school. So he's just far enough away to where it would be hard to verify, but he's mentioned a few of your friends' names so that you trust it. Makes sense. So he knows he knows Julie. Well, if he knows Julie, then he must be cool, right? So then all then one thing leads to another, and he tells you that he he really likes the way you look. He thought he know he saw you at the football game, but he didn't he didn't come say hey because he was shy. And man, he is really good looking. So the girls start start claiming, oh man, I would really like to date this guy, and now I've really got their attention. So when I walk I'll spare you any further of that because we can know where this is going, but by the end of the conversation, I show them do y'all want to re-see who Johnny really is? And they go, Yeah. And I flash up a picture of somebody that I've arrested, and it blows their mind, they're just completely blown. You hear them all just they're in shock and awe. And I go, it's funny that y'all find this surprising. Have y'all ever watched the show catfish? I mean, y'all seen it on MTV or whatever for for years and years and years. It's obvious that this takes place online. Catfishing of all sorts takes place. Why do you think that catfishing of an adult to a minor wouldn't be as prevalent? It's everywhere. And I said, by the way, if any of you play games, y'all play games online, you have y'all have Snapchat, you have all these different apps that you that you use. If you're talking to somebody in any kind of app and you don't know them in real life, I can guarantee you there's a predator in your friends list. And again, they're just shocked. Now, to take this further, when the when this presentation's over, these kids can go back to class or they can leave and go home if it's an evening. I always have a line 10 to 20 deep of kids waiting to ask me questions. So, what does that tell you? You know, as a parent, what does it tell you? It tell it tell me that these kids don't really have anybody to talk to. They truly wanted to ask an honest question. And that's what the questions always were okay, Mr. Chris, um I think I might have a problem. And I go, Well, talk to me. What's the what what do you what do you mean? What's the problem? Well, everything you just said. There, I have someone that's that's that's been asking me to take my shirt off and take some pictures. And they would ask me things like this. And my first what my first question would you haven't talked to your parent about this? You know, like, but it's obvious that they don't have this kind of conversation or this kind of two-way communication with their parent because they're afraid. It's not that they don't like their parent or they just don't feel like they could. They're either gonna get grounded, they're gonna get their phone taken away, they're whatever. So one of the, and I'm sure you're gonna ask me during this, what can we do? One of the biggest things we can do is open up this line of communication with our kids and say, Look, I've seen you naked since you were born, right? So you're not gonna say anything that's gonna blow my mind. I'm I'm here with you. If someone is trying to get you to do things that you know is wrong, I'm not gonna ground you. Okay, I'm not gonna ground you. If you come to me and you're honest, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna help you figure this out and not let you be taken advantage of. I always give the same example to parents. I ask parents, would you rather your child, no matter what age they are, go to a party, they get too drunk, they call you and say, Mom, dad, I've had too much to drink, I do not want to drive, would you come get me? Would you not have the relationship with your child that, hey, we have an open, I will not punish you. Yeah, I will totally take care of it. I will come get you. I would much rather you communicate this to me than to worry about you dying or killing someone else. So it's the same thing, right? So if we could open up that dialogue, I would wouldn't you much rather your child call you and say, hey, mom, dad, I've I've had too much to drink. I didn't realize I got carried away, but I know I can't drive. We would be so happy as a parent, right? And so it's the same thing here. We've got to let them know that if something like this, you come across somebody sending you this type of material, somebody trying to get you to do stuff you know is wrong, they gotta be able to come to mom and dad and say, Hey, look, this is not this is not okay. And I just want to bring it to your attention. So things like that are super important.
SPEAKER_00:So there's a couple of things that I wanted to address from what you just said. Number one, from my experience in law enforcement and dealing with some cases like this, um, I think it's very important to have these types of trainings or presentations for parents because oftentimes emotions are obviously going to take over. So whenever you have emotion over logic, a parent isn't going to be thinking right. And this is where it seems like they might be angry at the child and they're taking it out. And this is why kids don't fall over because there's just so much more emotion. And it's it's normal. Obviously, that's a normal reaction. But if you give this knowledge to the parents and you tell them, hey, you don't want your child to see you this way because you want them to come to you, this is something that they don't know how to do. So when they have this information, obviously it's gonna go really far compared to something that they don't know. Um, and then I wanted to say that I think if you were to put yourself in the kid's shoes when you start the presentation and you say, This is who I'm pretending to be, I'm pretending to be this 13-year-old girl or boy, this is who I am. Even that I would say would be the initial shock because they're looking at you, they don't know you, and they're saying, Oh my God, he's pretending to be this little girl. And that right there would would draw them in. You know, it's just like, it's not even, it's not even what you're about to show them afterwards. It's probably the initial shock for them to see that, oh my gosh, he's pretending to be this person, and that person could probably be my friend.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that's one of the things they ask too. Am I are you in my friend's lips? It's like, well, and I just tell what I always tell them is you'll never know. I mean, my daughter always has, I love to keep her guessing because that's great. Because then she never knows where I am or what I'm doing, because I'm her dad. I'm not meant to be just her close friend, which I would love, you know, another thing I'll pass along to parents. I want to be both of my kids' best friends more than anything on planet earth. I love them more than my life, but by the same token, I'm their father. So at some point, if I've got to make them upset, then I gotta make them upset, right? If the phone, if you're doing something on the phone, whatever it's got to come away. But to answer your question, you had said that yeah, they are afraid of getting punished from that. If that if that dialogue is open, and I'll give you an example, and it's back my I've taken my children's phone, they have gotten punished and things of that nature for different reasons, but my kids are so indoctrinated into everything we're talking about that my daughter, I mean, not long ago, like last year, when before she turned 17 when she was 16, she said she came to me, she said, Dad, I've got this app and it on my phone, and it's just people just keep trying to get me to do what you're saying, what you're constantly saying. Can you take a look at this? And I was like blown away. Like, yes, darling, I can take a look at that. And it was a band app. It was an app that, and this is what predators do, right? You think it's just Snapchat and you think it's the most uh obvious ones, Tinder and things like that. Well, of course, they're in there, but this it was this band app where you create songs, you can go in and create songs, but part of the app you can communicate with the other people and you can share songs and you can do things like that. The I mean, it was relentless. She was getting hit up nonstop by these men trying to get her to to do certain things and talk to her and communicate. And I was like, Wow, you know, hit another app I haven't heard of that I've got to put in the in the program in the in the presentation. But so we both agreed. I said, Look, do you do anything in this app? Have you created music? Well, because no, I did a little bit when I said, so we can delete it. She's like, Yeah, let's get rid of it because it's constantly notifying me. These people are trying to get me to do things. So thank God that she had the she felt she could come to me. And guess what? Her phone didn't get taken away, right? I didn't take something from her. She didn't that and if if it was an app that she loved, because um I can hear questions. Well, what if it was one she loved? Well, then I gotta figure out how we can get this chat bird, the the part of the chat to be her only her contacts, or something like that, then we can actually police it where she's not in con communication with strangers in the outside world. Um, but yeah, it's it here's the other thing. This is hard. I emphasize all the time, this is parenting in 2025. This is parenting, right? It used to be different, now it's this way, but parenting is tough and it's not easy. It's so much easier to throw a phone at them and send them in their room and let them just be, you know, they're out of your hair, they're not begging you for something. But that's that's not where we can't where we have to be. We've gotta have we've got to set some boundaries, and and we'll get to that, I'm sure, in a second. But we've got to set boundaries in the in the home to where with a certain time the did the phone gets plugged into the charger in mom and dad's room, not at night in their room, things like that. Um, that we the no doors closed, you know. Even my my my my my my daughter's 17, there's still no phone in the bathroom. There's no phone in a bedroom with a door closed. We don't do that. Just not, you know, if somebody's asking you to do that, then that means you're hiding something. So there's just certain rules that you gotta like kind of put down in the home and stick to.
SPEAKER_00:So I also want to ask you, you you mentioned it's it's hard parenting this way. Of course, it's difficult, and I can relate to that because the Roblox is obviously a huge issue for many parents. And I want to say that I was probably unaware, even in law enforcement, how severe it was in Roblox. And my son loves Roblox. So of course, we had to go in there, we had to figure out how to um not give him access to the chat. And, you know, there's just a lot of vulgar things going on in there.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I've got, yeah, well, I've got to, I've got to make sure that I I'm not a um a Nazi parent, right? Where I'm just like so over the top, uh, where that my kids have zero freedom. I've gotta I've gotta balance that and make sure that that I I'm not too overwhelmed. I mean, my my wife tells me all the time, she goes, to you, everybody's a predator. And I'm like, well, yeah, because you you don't know what I've seen. You know, it's like uh you've been in law enforcement, everybody, a lot of the guy people listening to this in law enforcement, just think back to when you weren't law enforcement. Think before before you ever strapped on a badge or a gun and the way you viewed the world, and then when you went on your first uniform patrol night, I mean, literally, you can go back to your first uniform patrol night, it changed everything of how you viewed the world. Like it just everything. You could not believe that the crimes that were going on in this quiet little neighborhood or this quiet little downtown street or whatever that you would you've been around your whole life, or whatever. You had no idea all of the crime that that goes on around that. So you change it changes you. Well, doing what I do and what I've done for so long, it definitely changed. I've arrested every walk of life, I've arrested firemen, I've arrested pastors, I've arrested police officers, I've arrested uh leaders of industry, I've arrested youth ministers, I've arrested coaches, I've arrested teachers, I've uh I've uh all of them. So the the reality is fortunate that just speaking on the kid crime uh world, that people that commit crimes against children, they're going to normally work in an occupation that puts them in proximity to your children. That's just the reality, right? Now, does that mean that all coaches and teachers and all of them are bad? No, absolutely not. I mean, there's tons of amazing people that work with kids. But I'm just saying that understand that mixed in that world, there are predators, and we have to look at it that way. You know, there's lions in the Serengeti that that are out there to hunt and kill animals. We have predators amongst us, and they're going to be after our children. I always say it this way too. When I'm doing the presentation, where do hunters go to kill game? Right? They go where the game live and flourish and eat and thrive. That's where a hunter goes. And a hunter goes out and he figures out a way to either lure them into where they're hunting them, where they put out corn, they put up a deer stand, they they do this, they put out scent, they do whatever. They're trying, they're hunting that animal. What do what where do fishermen go to catch fish? Well, they certainly aren't gonna catch a marlin in their backyard, right? They're gonna go out on a boat, they're gonna go way out in the ocean, they're gonna do all the things it takes to get to where that that prey is. Well, predators are no different. So when you're when you when you start thinking like that, you start to realize that predators are gonna be wherever your children are. They're not gonna be on a website called predatorsar us.com. You know, that's just that that's not reality. And I think that's the biggest part of the presentation, or when I do, when I coach families and and and and people in the in the community, that's it's to wake their mind up, right? Wake their mind up. Hey, this is happening. It's in your house, it's going on. As a law enforcement officer, I'll file I'll finish this unless you ask the next question. How often do people get burglary alarms on their home? When before they never believed in them, they did not have a burglary alarm, they never, there's no really no safety on their house. They probably went to sleep with their doors unlocked. What is the number one person that's going to put deck their house out with an alarm system? That's somebody who's been burglarized. Yeah, I mean, that once they get their house robbed, then the next day they got the alarm company out there. I'll spare no expense. I don't care how much it costs. I want one on every window, I want one on every door, I want one. I mean, I want cameras. You know, so they didn't really, but why is that? It's because their eyes were open and they now feel vulnerable. Now they go, oh my God, this is real. Like somebody could actually rob me. But the day before, they didn't believe that. They truly didn't believe that. How many people are listening or that you will talk to, they will go, I don't need all that crap. My my kids are safe. I mean, I look at their phone, I've got some of the parental stuff on there. They're all right, they're good. And because they don't believe in the threat, promise you, one day undercover online, they would be a different person.
SPEAKER_00:It kind of goes back to what we talked about in the beginning. You know, our time was different growing up, and our parents were accustomed to us being brought up that way. So I think for the technological differences in generations, it's very, very hard for certain generations to adapt to the idea that that technology is this bad. I mean, there's a lot of predators, there's a lot of things going on that they just can't seem to wrap their head around. I mean, I have my grandmother who's in her late 80s, and I bought her an iPad because she likes to color. Um, but it, you know, to bend over, it hurts her back. So I bought her one to color, and that's all she uses it for. And just the idea of doing anything else, she's just like, oh no, I can't. You know, we taught her how to update the iPad because it needs to be updated, but that's about as far as she goes with it. And it's it's just that generation, it's very, very different. And I think it's very difficult for some parents to really absorb that this is what's going on.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, and I'll and two things about that that I want to say. Number one, our elderly are in are in the crosshairs, too. They're extremely vulnerable to scams, where they call them, tell them they're that they've got their grandchild, their grandchild's been arrested in Mexico, and they've got to put up$2,000 bond to let them out. And they'll put a kid on the phone and the kid goes, Papa, help me, please. You know, things of that nature. Since they don't know technology, they do whatever, they'll walk them through getting on their tablet, and they'll walk them into getting into their bank account. I mean, all kind of stuff, phone cards, but of the the the get them to go to Best Buy and get these the the the cards and read them off the codes. I mean, you name it. So they're in the crosshairs. And then um the second thing I wanted to say was when when you when you said that um, oh I lost it. Lost it. I was gonna say something else about what you were talking about that they that they that are the only technology that they know is that there's the tablet, they don't want to know anymore. Oh, now I got it. So what it was is you know, imagine it's like this. I've been married 25 years, 26 years in next month, and my wife will always joke about technology. And I know all my you know, wives and husbands out there could associate with this. It's just very much like this. Anything technology driven in the home, my wife is like, Chris, can you please come deal with this? The remote, I can't get I can't get the input back on the source because whatever, just please come take care of this. And so I go over there, baby. I've taught you like five times here. You hit the input button, and then this comes up, and then you scroll down and you hit this. So making the point that, and then I always say, Look, if you really don't want to ask me again, sit here for about 15-20 minutes and learn it. You know, like learn it, you know, do the work, learn the thing, you know. And she'll go, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why why then I that's why I need you.
SPEAKER_00:That's right. I completely get that.
SPEAKER_01:I'm fine with that. I like being needed. But my point is that technology, if we don't stop and learn it a little bit, you know, the BCRs, our kids don't realize that BCRs were in my, I had that when I was a young adult. DVDs, all that stuff. We had to learn all that stuff every time it came in. We didn't, you know, and you learn how to create work the technology. Parents are too busy keeping the bills paid, really, to be honest, to stop and try to learn something new when they get home from work. I mean, that's it stinks. I mean, I don't want I don't want didn't want to do it either. So it's a it's a matter of really just kind of devoting some time to learning at least enough to either put the parental stuff on the phone. Like iPhone has an amazing set of restrictions that you can go in for your child's phone and set up all different what they can download, what they can, what they can't, if they can, if they can download apps, if they can't, it will, if they only communicate with their contacts, any kind of app that has a communication with it, it won't let you download. I mean, all these kinds of things. Take at least learn this the basics, that kind of stuff, and don't let them download an app until you learn about it, right? So you could set it to where they're not allowed to go in the app store, they can't download apps. So when they they're taught, hey, when you want an app, come ask me. And then when they come ask you, heck, my daughter brings them to me, and I've never heard of it. And I I do this, right? I've been around this for a long time. I don't know what app this is. I go, okay, babe, I'll let you know by the weekend.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_01:And then I uh so I take a couple of days, and when I got a free time, I download that myself. I get in there and see, play around with it for a minute, see what it's all about. Sometimes it's a yes, sometimes it's a absolutely not, right? So that's what I say about at least learning the basics and then putting some kind of safeguard in there so that they can't just go hog wild.
SPEAKER_00:The presentations that you do, uh, do you just do them there in your area or do you actually go all over the nation and teach this course?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I absolutely can do presentations through Zoom. Um if the if if the if the organization wants me to, we can discuss that. When you go to our uh my website, uh it is all basically any link on there is to book a discovery call with me. So if you want information about anything like that, you can just go to our website. Um, and I'll I'm sure you're asking that by the end. And just click on book a discovery call with me, and we can discuss any of your needs.
SPEAKER_00:Okay. Uh, we did talk a little bit about your website. So, what is it that you're doing with coaching and child predators? And what is it that you're doing with families?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, so uh the the website is adversity.institute, and that's www. www.adversity.institute, just like it's spelled. And when you go there, there's basically three programs. All of my programs are one-on-one coaching with me. And I do have some that were uh if you wanted a group coaching session, I think we can do that too. But the basic programs are the first one is is uh your family digital reset, and that is for families that are wanting more connection and they want to get more grounded in the home. We know that technology is separating us all, and that we're what's funny is this technology is was is so amazing to bring us all together with social media and all this stuff. And it's the biggest dividing factor of families in the history of our world, in my opinion. So if families that realize that they need more connection in their home, they want to get more digitally grounded. We can't just take the phones and bury them in the backyard. That's not a reality. So, but with that, it's a 12-week program that will help your family uh do a family digital reset and build some kind of balance. And so we can balance that technology out and we can all come get closer as a family. The second program is Life Launch Blueprint, and that's a program that we've made uh so that to help our youth, our young adults, uh have a launching pad to actually launch their life. I feel like the technology has kept them gross grounded, right? It's kept them grounded in the home and not let them build the skills and the confidence and the financial acumen and those kinds of things to actually want to move out or can move out because some kids really want to move out bad, but they don't have the money, right? They've the the the way the world is now, they've never been taught how to save money, they've never been taught how to manage a checkbook, they've never been, they just basically go to work, so get the money and spend it on the weekend. How do I know this? I have a 23-year-old son, right? I have a 17-year-old daughter, so I'm going through it all too. Um, but this was created because I think our schools do not help teach our kids what they need to. Well, boy, I think we would all be on board if they would start uh teaching this in school. Basic finances, teaching them how to manage their financial life, save money so that you can build a plan to move out, get out on your own. What does that look like? Does it look like roommates? How much money do I have to save? How much is rent in my area? How much is groceries? Those kinds of things, as well as building their confidence, social media and all of that stuff, all the fake world that we all live in online, they make them believe that they've got to be a millionaire to in order. That's what success is. And it's absolutely not true. It's all fake. So we try to help build their confidence and focus on the correct things to build balance in their own life so they can launch. And then the third program is family internet crisis. And this is basically for a family that's on, you know, they're a DEF CON 5, uh, they're they have some kind of internet crisis in their home, either with their Child, they know their child's been talking to a predator or that their child's being cyberbullied online. Um, any of those kinds of things that they're dealing with a real crisis and they really don't feel like there's anywhere to turn, um, there we have that program. All of those have a way to you just click there, you book a discovery call with me, and I we can discuss your situation and whether we're a good fit that that I can help you with with what's going on.
SPEAKER_00:Okay. I'm curious, how has the without being too specific, how are the sessions when you have children and their parents involved in um what it is that you offer? How how is the interaction with the children who are doing these calls with you?
SPEAKER_01:Well, in the in the beginning, it's skeptical, right? I mean, you know, because again, I know kids are very uh like, blah, uh, I mean, what does this mean? Um, plus this is all with parents. Uh any of the programs are with parents and the and the child or young adult, because sometimes a kid is if they're 18, 19, could be 20 years old. I mean, you know, they're not just children, uh, but we do this as a group with the family. Um, but yeah, if in the beginning for the youth, it's skepticism from the parents, it's extreme hope that there's an answer, right? So you got two ends of the spectrum. But what I try to do is again, I've done these presentations for the uh the two decades of teaching in the public has helped prepare me for this type of coaching because I know what I know what the kids what sparks their minds and their their soul, their why, right? Because it in anything we do, we have to have our why. Um, I think I'm trying to remember the the uh the Holocaust survivor that was quoted with we I I can deal with any how if I if if my why is right, right? So if I have my why, about the correct why. So I try to attack it that way. What is their why? Why do you want to move out, for example? You know, what what are your whys? Let them let them express that. So when they start seeing the vision and then, hey, I'm here to provide an answer and a solution for you to get what you want, then they start to have buy-in, right? They have they have they have buy same thing, even if we're with an internet crisis, what's happening in this in that world? Usually I've dealt with so many cases of this. The child is either in love with the the person they think they're talking to and they don't want to hear an adult's opinion. And then when I start to realize and peel back the layers of that onion and say, okay, well, did he say this? Yeah, okay, and has he said this? Well, yeah, and so over a short period of time they start to realize that I know what I'm talking about, and I'm not just a kid or up, I'm not just an adult pointing the finger in judgment. I'm basically trying to help them figure out, okay, this could be bad. And if I know it's already bad, then I need help. So they're wanting someone with some type of expertise to help them out of that, out of that dungeon. And then the family part, the one with digital reset, we all know. I mean, how many families do we sit at dinner and everybody's on their phone?
SPEAKER_00:Right, of course.
SPEAKER_01:You know, we're just disconnected, and that leads to resentment, that leads to relationships being frayed, and we're not we're no longer caring for each other or thinking of the other person. We're we're so involved and enveloped in our world that we're we're no longer giving to the people that we love the most. Because if you take the phones out the hands and you say, okay, what's the most important thing to you in this world? You know, either if a single single family other than my my spouse. Well, how much do you show that spouse every day? Are you on the phone more than you're showing that spouse? Your kids, my kids are everything. Okay, well, how much time do you spend with them versus on your phone? You know, so when you start painting that picture and people start seeing the reality, then they're then they have what I said a minute ago, they have buy-in. Then they go, okay, wait a minute, this really can work. I can this can make my life better and my family's life better.
SPEAKER_00:Right. Wow, that's great. Um, I'm curious, uh, we're running out of time here, but I want to ask you, because I have a lot of law enforcement listeners. And to be fair, a lot of police officers that are parents, they're busy. You know, they're working a long shifts, they're working overtime, they're tired, they don't want to deal with family life at home. But is there any tips that you can recommend to them to keep an eye out when it comes to their children? And maybe some clues or cues that they can pick up on if their child is talking to someone that they shouldn't be, or maybe some changes in behavior that they can keep an eye out for because we all know that I mean, I can't say everybody's this way, but I'm guilty of going home and not wanting to deal with anything, you know, after a shift. I just want to be left alone, but you still have to be a parent. So is there anything that, you know, as officers who don't specialize in this, that what they should look out for?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So uh first of all, any uh fellow law enforcement out there, if you need if you need my help, you contact me. This isn't about money. I mean, if you if you need help, and I'm I'll say this to anybody you need help, contact me, and I'll help guide you one way or the other. You know, if it's gonna take a lot of my time, then of course we'll talk about programs and remuneration and all that. But I'm in this to help people and save kids and help our families. So whatever that means, then then I'm here for you. So that's number one. Number two, some of the things you can do. Let's just talk about real quickly some boundaries to set and some I and some red flags to look out for. So one of the rules I set in my home from day one when my kid, my son got the phone for the very first time, and it's still a rule today. If I come in the room, it doesn't matter if it's behind you when you're sitting on the couch, it doesn't matter if it's in your bedroom or whatever it is, and remember, no doors can be closed with digital devices until they get to a certain age. So they're not in any closed room. So if I can come in a room at any time and you're buried in your phone and you see me and you switch something off the screen, that's a boundary, right? That means that the phone comes away. I can take the phone, and now I'm gonna go through the phone and see what they were switching away, see what they were running from. They didn't want me to see. Means they're hiding something. And believe me, this happened all the time, even though I set the rule. It happened all the time. It still happens today. There's certain things like that. That's a red flag. I mean, what are they trying to hide? What are they skipping around for? Now, does that mean that I ground them if I if I saw my son looking at a naked woman or whatever? Well, uh obviously not. I mean, he's number one, he's older now, but that's natural, normal stuff. I mean, I I don't I I try to set some kind of boundary of this world where it's realistic, right? So we have to all make that decision for ourselves as parents. So that's the number one thing. Second thing would be no phones at night after a certain time. So this is a these are like hard, fast rules that I do not allow to be broken. So at a certain time, whether it's it's later on the weekends or during the week, nine o'clock during the week, the phone goes in our bedroom and is plugged into the charger. It's not to leave our bedroom after a certain time. Because a predator, just like your story with the bus stop, one of the first things they're gonna do is try to get you alone. They obviously don't want the parents to be able to walk in and see what's going on with what they're asking you to do, right? So at night there's no phone in the room because we I've I can tell you stories about sex torture. We don't have the time here today. But where they talk, they the kid thinks they're talking to another kid, they end up sending image sexual images, and then the predator makes them realize they're not talking to a kid, they're actually talking to a predator. Then they start getting to have them in the middle of the night do these extremely deviant sexual things to themselves and video it and send it to them. And now they they've because they tell them if they don't do that, then they're going to send all of the pictures and whatever they've already had from them to their parents, to their school, fake profile, send it to everybody in school. So the child feels like they're in they're hopeless. This also leads to suicide attempts, all of these kinds of things. I had a brother that committed suicide, so it's a very near and dear subject to my heart. So anything that that's why this most of that kind of thing happens at night when the parents go to bed and the kid has their phone. So it's a couple of things like that that you can do in a busy life that can help mitigate a lot of things from happening.
SPEAKER_00:Well, thank you for sharing that. Those are really good tips. Um, I know you mentioned they could if anybody wants to reach out to you, they can reach you on your website and just to reiterate what that was www.adversity.institute, and they can reach you on there uh by signing up for a is it a 30-minute call or discovery call?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, just a discovery call. It's a book's on my schedule, and I can I can actually just set up a call, we'll talk, and we'll see how to where we go from there.
SPEAKER_00:Okay. Well, Chris, thank you so much for joining me. I really enjoyed today's conversation. In fact, I think we can probably go on for hours and maybe when you have time, I can have you back on because I think there's a lot of other topics that I would really like for us to get into. Uh, but thank you so much for your time. Is there anything that you want to leave off the listeners with?
SPEAKER_01:No, Tyra, I appreciate you. Thank you for having me and all my uh law enforcement brothers and brothers and sisters out there. Be safe. We love you and you're appreciated by by everyone, even though we don't get thanked and we don't, you know, it's a thankless job, but uh just know you're loved and I'm here for you. If you need me for anything with your family, could get in contact with me. I'm here to help.
SPEAKER_00:Awesome. Thank you. And to the listeners, thank you guys for joining in. As always, be safe and we'll see you on the next one. Thank you for joining me on Chapter Blue. If you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to follow and tag me on social media and share with your friends and fellow officers. If you're interested in joining an episode, I'd love for you to be a part of the conversation. Until next time, stay safe, take care of yourself, and remember you're never alone in this journey.