Chapter Blue

Toxic Leadership & Emotional Intelligence with Bill McAuliffe

• Tyra Valeriano • Episode 19

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The truth most of us only whisper: the job can break your body before it breaks your badge. From Coast Guard beginnings to SWAT and command, Bill McAuliffe walks us through toxic leadership, a federal civil rights fight, and the day a doctor said returning to work might end his life. What follows isn’t a simple solution, but it’s the blueprint for resilience that more departments need to teach and more officers deserve to practice.

We explore how mindfulness-based stress reduction and men’s emotional work can decompress years of stored trauma without dulling your edge. Bill explains somatic processing through a single devastating call and how the body’s release changed everything, including his relationship with alcohol. We talk about masculinity, empathy, and the culture that still tells cops to “suck it up,” then lay out a modern path: emotional intelligence as fieldcraft. Think self-awareness before briefing, controlled language on scene, and the humility to accept that three responders can live three different truths from one incident, and all be valid.

The conversation turns to prevention. Suicide in public safety remains a crisis, and the answer isn’t one-size-fits-all therapy. It’s confidential coaching, peer circles, practical tools you can use off-duty, and leadership that rewards candor without career damage. Bill shares why he built Settle for Better Consulting to serve first responders privately and how small, consistent actions can turn into real change at work and at home.

If you care about officer wellness, culture change, and keeping good people in the job without losing their lives to it, this one matters. Subscribe, share with your squad or shift partner, and drop a review with the one mindset you’ll commit to changing this week. Your voice could be the one that helps someone stay.

Website: www.settleforbetter.life 

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SPEAKER_01

I want to welcome everyone back to another episode of Chapter Blue. And I also wanted to take a moment to thank my listeners and my guests for their continued support. If it was not for you guys, Chapter Blue would not be where it is today. So thank you for tuning in and taking the opportunity to be a guest when availability is open. I'd like to welcome Bill. Thank you for joining me today. I'm not sure how to say your last name. How do you say your last name?

SPEAKER_00

McAuliffe.

SPEAKER_01

McAuliffe. Okay, Bill McAuliffe. Well, thank you for joining me today. Bill has 22 years of law enforcement experience and nine years in the corporate world, but I don't want to take over his introduction. So if you would be so kind and let us know a little bit more about your background and what you're doing today.

From Coast Guard To Lieutenant

SPEAKER_00

Sure. Yeah. So, like you said, 22 years in law enforcement. I actually started my law enforcement career in maritime law enforcement in the Coast Guard and then get into civilian law enforcement. Served in two different sheriff's departments. So I stayed in the sheriff's side of law enforcement, working in detention and operations. Did a lot of the special units, the high adrenaline stuff, the SWAT, the canine, aviation, narcotics, all that kind of stuff. And then later in my career, decided to go more the administrative route, promoted up through the ranks and reached the rank of lieutenant, oversaw professional standards, operations and detention during those periods of time, and learned over the time that you know the weight of the career really caught up to me. And that brought me into shifting out of law enforcement itself. And I went into the corporate world and worked for Lexapol for about eight and a half years and helped scale a section of that company. And then found men's emotional wellness work through my transition out of law enforcement into the corporate world, making that transition and escaping toxic leadership. And through my own journeys, realized that, you know, I need to bring this to my brothers and sisters in public safety. And am now a emotional wellness coach and emotional intelligence coach, helping mostly public safety personnel deal with their past traumas and then build their resilience and their strength so that they can make it through the rest of their career or healthy, do a healthy pivot to something different.

Toxic Leadership And Lawsuit

SPEAKER_01

I know you mentioned toxic leadership. And this is obviously a huge conversation across the nation when it comes to law enforcement. I feel like there is a little bit of a divide because you do have a handful of places that have great leadership. But when we're talking about the majority, leadership is an issue. So at what point in your career did you feel that leadership was toxic? Because obviously it's been around for a long time. And what's your perspective on how that ultimately changed your projection on your career?

Redefining Leadership And Opening Up

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, so I had the unfortunate experience of being steeped in really toxic um leadership at the very end of my career when I was a lieutenant. And um worked for an elected official that, you know, after doing my work, realized he's he's really a damaged, damaged person and led from a position of fear. And um my career actually ended with me exiting the agency, exiting law enforcement, filing a civil rights lawsuit in federal court against my employer, and taking on about a three-year uh battle there while I pivoted into the corporate world. And, you know, you hit the nail right on the head. I mean, there's there are a lot, there are a lot of people in leadership positions that really shouldn't be, or maybe not yet, but it's heartwarming to know that there are more and more leaders that are stepping up and taking that role of embracing emotional wellness and understanding the damage and the importance of you know mental health in the public safety space. Um, but they're still a rare breed. So there's still a lot of leaders out. People, I hate to even call leaders, I call them people in leadership positions. Um, because they're they're not quite leaders. They have they have the old mentality, they haven't, they haven't grown with the industry, they haven't evolved, and they're really holding the industry back, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_01

Whenever you mention that that old mentality, I I'm familiar with that. And obviously, coaching, I I do law enforcement coaching as well. So it comes in with you might have some leaders that are coaching with you that might have that old mentality. How do you go about that? Or how do you talk to people, even if they're not leaders, even officers or people in first responder roles? How do you go about trying to change that mindset that they might have about, hey, this is the way we've always done it? Um, you know, we don't go and seek help if we need it because we we can handle it. I mean, how do you work with people like that?

Health Crisis And Forced Pivot

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, number one, I want to be really clear. When I talk about leaders, I don't leaders don't have to have stuff on their lapel, right? On their caller devices. They don't have to have scrambled eggs on the bill of their cap, right? Leaders in public safety, when somebody calls 911 and you show up, it doesn't matter if you're you know the newest rookie on the street or your 20-year veteran, they're gonna they expect you to lead. So you you have to be a leader. Um and you know, in my experience, getting people to open up about their emotional wellness and actually explore that as a potential topic to even discuss and and do work around. Um, I tend to share my own experience because in my 22 years, I took the old approach and I sucked it up. I toughened, you know, I I just did what I had to do. It was just part of the job, right? That's what they pay us for. All that BS we told ourselves all those years, and just stuffed everything, that emotional backpack, right? Just filled that thing to the brim and stuffed it down even tighter. If I had to bring in more, um, didn't make room for anything, I just added more. So I just share my experience, you know. Like I said, at the end of my career, I I one of the reasons I really pivoted out of law enforcement was my doctor came to me and said, Bill, if you don't leave, you don't get out of this environment, it's going to kill you. It's like it's not maybe, it's like it's going to. I was having all sorts of other health problems with all the all the stress and anxiety and all that kind of stuff. I was going to card, you know, cardiologists and taking stress tests and everything else. Um, and he just finally said, you know what, you're not going back to work. I'm taking you out medically. And if you go back, you that's your choice, but it's gonna kill you. So being the father of two little girls at the time, five and nine, I was like, Yeah, I'm not taking that risk.

SPEAKER_01

Wow. So if you don't mind uh sharing with us a little bit more about what you experienced that kind of led you down that path where you had to go to the doctor and you started to realize, hey, this is stress related and it's coming from my job.

Finding Mindfulness And Men’s Work

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you know, it really was just when I was the jail commander at the time when I was sitting in my office, and the the medical director that um ran our medical division came walking by my office and he he kind of did one of those walkbys, then he took a couple of steps back and looked around the corner of my office and he's like, What's up? And we had this came in, closed the door, and he he knew things were going on in the in the department. Um, and he's like, Okay, what's what's going on now? And so he he was the first one to be like put his finger on it and said, like, you need to do something about this. Um and ended up like he was actually my doctor outside of the office too. So he was like, you know what, you're in my office right after work today, and and and then took me out. And and it was just, you know, not not sleeping, not eating, you know, situational anxiety, situational depression, um, medic self-medicating with alcohol, um, you know, all the all of that kind of stuff, just really bad habits. And everything was just, I was losing weight, I couldn't, and I wasn't working out, I had no drive. And he just he just put his finger on, he's like, Bill, you've got to get out. Like there's there's no way you're gonna survive this. Um and through, you know, other like most cops, um, or I should say many, not most, um, I went through a divorce earlier in my career. And when I got taken out of work, I'm like, you know what, I'm gonna go back and see that counselor that I saw back when I went through my divorce. And he introduced me to um mindfulness stress reduction techniques, and that actually put me through a program. And I started so I started to explore all the different mindfulness stress stress reduction methodologies. Um and it really opened my eyes, and then also that introduced me to men's emotional wellness work. And in this little community I live in here in in northern Idaho, we have actually a men's group that's been in existence now this month, it's our 20th year. And I I got into that, and that's really where I healed. That's really when I I broke through some barriers and I trusted complete strangers from outside public safety. Had no idea, a couple of military veterans, but nobody had any public safety experience. And they really opened the windows for me and they opened the doors of like, hey, you know, this is this is what's out there for you if you want to heal. And I stepped into that, and now I'm not I'm not just a member, now I'm the president.

SPEAKER_01

So well, congratulations. Um you know, the the stress factor, I think a lot of people can relate to that right now. I mean, when you look at law enforcement today, there is so many more factors aside from what already existed that are adding to that stress and situational awareness. Um, obviously that's something that we have in law enforcement. But when it comes to your personal life and your emotional wellness and your awareness to that emotional side, especially with your family, your friends, your loved ones, I think that's something that we are not really taught in the academy. We're not really given direction throughout our career. And it's something I think that is important for first responders to kind of have more awareness and knowledge on how to work through these problems. Uh, what was a really pivotal moment for you when you realized that you had control of that and how you went about healing in your healing journey?

SPEAKER_00

Um probably the most profound thing for me was we use a lot of somatic healing practices. Um, so it's really feeling where your trauma is in your body, like because your trauma is how your body stores your experience to an incident, right? It's not the incident itself, it's how your body responds and then stores that response. And I, you know, I could go through a whole you know index of situations in my career that I needed to be decompressed from. Um, but I did this healing, what we call the healing journey, where they did a somatic uh walkthrough of this shooting that I had been um a responder to. I was the first responder to a shooting where an 80-year-old woman was gunned down in her front yard, um, innocently watering her flowers. Guy comes over and you know, shoots her multiple times and kills her. And without going into all the details, that scenario stayed in my brain forever. I mean, that that was one of those things that it interrupted my thought pattern weekly, if not daily, on some cases. And so they walked me back through that process of what it felt like and and how my body responded to that experience itself uh in the immediate aftermath. And I I honestly wish I had a video I could show you because the way my body processed out that trauma was like go pick your favorite movie from the 70s that shows a seance. That was my body. I didn't like spew anything out of my mouth, but um, my head did spin around. But my body just processed out all the trauma. There was convulsions, there was rapid breathing, there was just tears flowing out of my eyes. Um, and it wasn't even like crying, it was just tears. Um, and just so I wasn't experiencing the incident again, it was just allowing my body to just shed that and and get that out. And the whole process took maybe about 45 minutes. I I felt like I ran two marathons and swim, swam the English channel, like I was done. Wow. But the weeks after that, my body assimilating and integrating back, you know, after releasing all that trauma from my body, my relationship with alcohol shifted. Like I went I went more over a week without even entertaining the idea of having a drink, without making a conscious effort. I just realized after like a week and a week or so, I was like, huh, I haven't even had the urge to drink.

Alcohol, Awareness, And Gradual Burnout

SPEAKER_01

Did you when you uh started drinking and you started getting into these bad habits before you had this um wellness and this experience? Did you know it was an incident like this, maybe this one in particular, that kind of led you down that path? Or were you just kind of unsure and it was just all jumbled up until you went and you addressed this specific case for you?

Weekly Men’s Circles And Vulnerability

SPEAKER_00

I I think I had a little bit of an inkling that you know the job was getting to me, like the damage, because I mean we've we've all heard the stories, right? And we see other people deal with issues in their career, and you're like, oh yeah, it's part of the job. But again, it's it was always that it's part of the job, it comes with the job, it's what you get paid for, kind of BS that we tell ourselves. Um, but I was really like the proverbial boiled frog, right? Like it just the the water got warmer and warmer and warmer over time, and I didn't realize I was getting worse and worse and worse. I was drinking more and more and more. And so it really was the culmination of all of that, and my doctor going like, get out, get out of the environment, decompress, start opening your mind to these other things. And the door, like I said, the doors just started to open. And when I started to get into the emotional wellness work, you know, men's work, um after I'd gone through some of that work, and and again, our our men's group meets every Wednesday night for four hours. It's a long time, and it's and it's yeah, it's and everybody's like four hours. Oh my god, it's like, yeah, but there's nights we're like, oh shit, we're out of time. Um and there's there's like over 60 guys in this group. We break it into separate what we call circles, so we have smaller groups to meet every every Wednesday night. But um after having experienced that a little bit, watching other guys heal too, like from their own issues, whether it be from childhood or from like a divorce they're going through, or whatever it is. I mean, there's guys from all walks of life, there's doctors, there's counselors, there's plumbers, there's electricians, there's you know, you name it, auto mechanics. Um watching them go through their processes helped me. We have a we have a saying when when one man is working, we're all working. I mean we're working on our emotions, and when we become vulnerable and start opening up and sharing, vulnerability begets more vulnerability, right? So other people start to open up and but we start to see the connection. Like I said, I was the only guy in there that had any public safety experience. And after I got comfortable in there, it took me about a month before I like felt comfortable being in the room. I kind of felt like a long-tailed cat in a rocking chair factory. But after I got comfortable and I started to open up, I was like, wow, I need to bring this to public safety. Like, I'm gonna go through this, I'm gonna master this, I'm gonna learn as much as I can. And and I need to bring this back to my brothers and sisters in public safety because, like you said, we don't teach this in the academy, we don't teach this in the FTO, right? We need to. Like I would, I would love, one of my goals is to bring this type of work to police academies, to fire academies. Like, and if you're gonna go into public safety, you need to have these skills.

SPEAKER_01

There's a topic that I haven't really talked too much about, and um, being that the obvious that I was a female in law enforcement, my perspective and the way see things obviously are a little bit different than my male counterparts would see things. So, me doing this podcast and focusing on first responder wellness, mental health, I sometimes am stuck in between these two worlds where it's like, you know, is it really what we need to do? Because it's coming from her. But when I have people like you that come onto my show and you're talking about this, I think it's important because we're in this weird space now where it's like masculinity, this has always been what the job is about. And it doesn't take away from that. And I think that's where the clarification has to be made for those who are in first responder roles that it's not taking away from your masculine masculinity, it's not taking away from who you are as a person, it's actually what you're experiencing in the job and how it's affecting you in your personal life, in your even your work life, your home life, everything that deals with who you are as a person is changing. And the only person that really doesn't see it is you. And whenever you start to get that awareness and you're just thinking, you know, maybe I should try this and see what happens. It, I mean, what's the worst that could happen? And I and I love that you're talking about it because there's nothing negative that's gonna come out of it if you try it and just see what happens. And I think it's great that you had the experience that you did because obviously it shows that it doesn't take away from who you are, it just helps you become a better person.

Masculinity, Empathy, And Balance

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you know, I you I say it regularly, like it helps you become the better version of you, right? You become your better self. And you hit on a really critical point, and that you know, culturally, we raise boys to suck it up, rub some dirt on it, don't be a sissy, right? From a very young age, that is culturally how we are conditioned as boys. So then we become, you know, typically 30s, 40s, 50s. Men start to go, well, shit, why are my relationships falling apart? Why do I not understand? Why am I keep being told that I feel that you know I'm disconnected? And I mean, like, and that's why that's how this men's group that I'm part of started. Guys are like, hey, like we need to figure out our emotions because our lives are jacked up, like we're not relating to women. And but on the on the other side, you know, women, right, girls are more likely to be raised in our culture to where it's okay to share your emotions and to be emotional, right? It's not tamped down as long. Much. Now, granted, some people are dependent on the other household you were raised in more culturally, but you know, typically girls are raised to be more emotional. And then and it'd be interesting to get your perspective on this because then you you become into you get into the adult world, right? And especially in a male-dominated environment like law enforcement. But I saw this in corporate too, where a woman comes in and shows a little bit of empathy or like a little bit of emotion or self-awareness, and it's immediately held against like, oh, she's not tough enough, she can't handle it. And I'm like, wait a minute, it's it's not a matter of like, do women need to be more masculine or women need to be or men need to be more feminine. It's like, no, we need to find that balance. We're all wired for emotion. We just haven't been taught.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I agree with that.

SPEAKER_00

It's like you've got to you get to use it at the right time. And that's the whole thing with emotional intelligence, is like getting in touch with yourself, being able to manage your emotions, respect that other people have theirs, they have their experience different than yours, but it's theirs. And then being able to really understand where you fit into the different social constructs in your life and then how you manage the relationships with all of that.

Different Not Wrong: EI In Practice

SPEAKER_01

Right. And you know, when we when we speak specifically on first responders, uh, I want to go back to what everybody knows. We're seeing, you know, over 800 traumatic events in a lifetime where a normal person might see one to two traumatic events in their life. So we're not talking about, you know, hey, you found the dirt, just suck it up. You know, we're talking about things that people don't normally see. So when we when we separate those things and we explain on a on a matter that it's it's not about taking away your manliness, your masculine masculinity or your tough skin. It really just is because you're dealing with things that most people don't deal with. So of course, you know, you're gonna go back to how culturally you were raised. You just put dirt on it and you walk away from it. But these are not normal things that we're dealing with. And it does change you as a person. So, me as a female, I remember in law enforcement, I had a supervisor. I thought she was amazing. I thought she was great. I think she could be the chief of police one day. She's she's always doing things uh by the book. You know, people don't like that. People don't like when you do things the way they're supposed to get done. And then when you um, you know, for example, discipline because this is what it is, black and white, this is how we're gonna do it, and everybody's so used to beating around the bush because that's just the way it is, then it came into, oh, it's because she's micromanaging and you know, she puts too emotion, too much emotion into it. And it's just a different perspective, I think, that women and men bring to the field. But the the common denominator is that regardless if we are a woman or a man, we are still dealing with these incidents that most people don't deal with. Now, on the aspect of how we handle them, maybe females might handle it a little more different than the males because of that cultural difference. But all in all, the real objective is it's it's has nothing to do with, you know, cover it up with dirt and move on. It's because you're dealing with things that most people don't deal with. And this is why we're bringing it to the table.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I I literally just wrote an article about different and wrong and understanding what those mean. And and you're right. I mean, just because somebody has a different approach doesn't mean it's wrong, it's just different. And just like you said, people have certain certain experiences. You can have one incident and three people see it and have three different experiences from that. One can walk away with absolutely no scars, no wreck, you know, no reflection, nothing. The other two could, you know, one could retire out on a stressed medical, and the other one could be, you know, in counseling for three weeks or a month or a year. You know, everybody has their own experience. And that's that's the key with the emotional intelligence piece is understanding your emotions and being able to control them while respecting the fact that other people have emotions and they're gonna have their experience. It's not wrong, it's just different than you. You know, I've had people say, Well, you know, how can they how can they retire out um after that simple like that little incident? I've been, you know, I've seen a thousand of those. Well, everybody's different, and they saw from a different angle than you did. It's like your experience is not the same as theirs. And when we come to grips with that, then you know we can understand the realities of life. And you know, like you said, you don't know what people bring into this industry, you know what their history is. Um, and a lot of the work that I do when I do my you know, my one-on-one or in my my program, um, I'm a root cause kind of guy. Um so when I work on with people, it's like, well, let's peel the layers of the onion back, but let's get to the root of those problems. Like, we're not gonna do surface work, you know, we're not gonna put a little bit of polish on it and you know, just lift a couple more weights or you know, change your diet. Like, we're gonna get to the root of like where did that come from? Right?

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

And and a lot of it does come from earlier in our inner earlier in our life. You know, I I have a great story about the inner seven-year-old life coach I could share, share with you someday.

Medical Retirement Realities And Pivot

SPEAKER_01

Um, uh, I want to go back to when your doctor told you that, hey, this is you're gonna have to get out of the job. Um, you know, there's I have uh quite a few friends who were medically retired out of law enforcement, and it wasn't a pleasant process, and it's actually a very tough process, uh, you know, fighting for just to prove that you have to be medically retired, number one. And the years that it takes to just finalize that and actually be retired on a medical reason. How did that make you feel? I mean, did you feel like it was going to be a difficult decision, or were you ready for that? How did you take that information?

SPEAKER_00

Um the biggest thing for me was just, you know, I had I had invested 22 years or more in my career. Um I still planned to work for another 10 years, you know. I did I wasn't planning on leaving. And at the time, Idaho, where I was employed, didn't have medical retirement for law enforcement. Like you got injured on the job, you went to a fitness for duty or whatever, anything, you couldn't do the job. You're down the road talking to yourself, looking for another another job or another career. So for me, it was really just like, okay, considering my age, my experience, my family situation with being divorced and having two kids, and I had shared custody and all that crazy cocktail. I was like, you know what, I can't pivot to an there's another, no other agency I can just pivot to. Um and I just signed it up like, you know what, and that's I decided to settle for better and move on to a different career. And I went into, you know, I went to work for a company that I truly believed in, um, still believe in, you know, went to work for Lexipol and helped them to build out their professional services division um and build that team out. And yeah, I just like, you know what? I'm gonna settle for something better than what I have. Not better than better than law enforcement, but what's better than moving on to something different in the corporate world and using my leadership skills and and all that everything I bring into the table to support public safety, you know, in a really great way with policy training. And then later, you know, we brought on wellness. Um so yeah, I I didn't, and I but I I do know several people that have gone through that that labyrinth of you know, all the paperwork and all the challenge and the medical um stuff for retirements and and especially, you know, folks with those we call them those hidden injuries, right? Those unseen injuries, those traumas. Um luckily this I think the science is getting better about diagnosing post-traumatic stress and you know, all that kind of stuff, but um it's still a challenge. It's just and it just actually just compounds the problem in a lot of ways. Like they got to handle that much more sensitive in a much more sensitive way, you know, because they're there's gonna actually create more problem than than the person's already dealing with, compound it. So yeah, it's it's heartbreaking to watch watch people go through that.

Suicide In Public Safety And Prevention

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And you know, I want to say within the past month or so, there's been a spike in law enforcement suicides. And I've had this conversation with a lot of guests in the past. And of course, just like anybody who experiences a suicide in their family life, whether it's law enforcement related or not, uh, we're always left with questions on why, what led them to that, what were they thinking, and we're we're never gonna get those answers. So, for most of us, you know, this is why I got into this a long time ago. I got into this space because of what was happening in New York PD back in 2022. And I wanted to understand why that was happening. And of course, we're never gonna know the answers, but we get to this spot that we're at now in this wellness space. And it's trying to understand where we can make officers and first responders better and how they handle things so that they can be successful and they don't go down that road. And if they are going in that direction, they know where to find resources and help so that that isn't their decision, and that isn't the ultimate uh final say so in their life. And it's a hard road to go down. I will say that it's it's a very hard wall to break down. And I think that we're making progress, but it's tough. It is tough. Yeah. And you know that. Yeah, so you have actually started a business. Um, tell us a little bit about that and what you do uh with this service that you've started.

Building Settle For Better Consulting

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, so Settle for Better Consulting is based on emotional intelligence and doing coaching for I mostly focus on public safety um because that's where my heart is. And so I I took my experience and the training that I've had in emotional wellness work um and decided I'm I'm gonna dedicate, like you, like you said, I I am really bothered by the rate of suicide in public safety. Um 2023, 72% of the cops that killed themselves, took their own life, were actively employed as cops. Like, you know, going back to you know, Gordon Graham's a friend of mine, and his old saying if predictable is preventable, right? Like, what could what little things could we have done that may have kept that person from making that ultimate decision? Um so that's really the driver behind you know Center for Better Consulting and emotional wellness work that I do is we we never know what people are carrying, you know, from their day-to-day into work, and and vice versa, right? They're carrying stuff from work into their in their daily life. But if we can raise people's emotional intelligence, there's there's scientific data, there's research that shows improved emotional intelligence improves almost every aspect of your life, personally and professionally. And if we can start reducing stress, get people to start communicating more, being more open, sharing what's going on, then there's going to be there's less people that are gonna seek that outlet of you know, suicide's the answer. And that's really the driver for me, is if if I can if I can educate somebody to be a better leader, and again, rank or not, because they have a heightened level of emotional intelligence, and they act or say something differently, you know, more wisely and more educated and more emotionally intelligent, and that makes this little difference that keeps somebody from killing themselves. We've never, we may never know. But I know in my heart that as we start to change the way we do things, the way we interact with people, that it's gonna have that, it's gonna have that residual effect.

SPEAKER_01

I agree with that. So um you know, back to officers who, you know, are all contemplating suicide or that have committed suicide. Uh, stories like this, you know, I don't have my podcast is still relatively new, but I've had so many stories of people who have shared their experiences in their job or their personal life that led them to a point where they were thinking, it's just better to be done with this. It's better to end my life here. And what I love about people who are vulnerable enough to share their story is because there are officers out there, first responders out there, who are probably feeling the same way. Maybe the circumstance isn't exactly the same, but they can listen to that and say, dang, that's that's where I'm at, or that's how I feel, or I've been there. And then they hear this person who says, you know, I did X, Y, and Z, or this is what I did to help me with that. And I think it's it's a breath of fresh air to hear that. It's not always, you don't always have to go to therapy, right? You don't always have to do coaching. You don't always have, there's just so many different things out there that everybody has tried that has worked for them. And these are just resources that they can try for themselves. And hopefully it helps them feel that they don't have to expose themselves. Cause I think really where it's at is they don't want to be exposed to someone who's weak. And as we start to put these resources out there and show, like you focus you said you focused um on a men's group. So obviously that is already something that I would think if I was a man is a little more comforting knowing, well, at least they're all men, you know, and I go into there and I don't have to feel a certain way. But it it's great. It's it's good to hear that this is what you're offering emotional um wellness and awareness. What is a key point that you have learned, or maybe a good tip that you can share with listeners when it comes to emotional awareness?

You’re Not Alone: Private Healing Paths

SPEAKER_00

Um, the big thing is you are not in this alone. If you think you're the only person that has ever experienced whatever you're experiencing, you're only you're fooling yourself. There are thousands of us out there that can relate. And there's so many different resources, whether it's me or it's you, or it's a helpline, or there's so many different resources out there. We we have to get past that stigma of I'm you know, I gotta be tough and I can't say anything. And it the the fear of being labeled and having you know their career potentially harmed is real. I don't want to discount that at all. That is real. Um but that's why I built my program, the respondent resilience program, is I suffered in silence for 22 years, but I healed in private. Like I wish I had I had found that man's group before the collapse of my career, because it probably would have given me the support I needed to either fix that situation or pivot in a more healthy way. And so my thing is if you can suffer in silence, then you can heal in private. And that's why my program is 100% confidential. Your organization doesn't need to know. I don't provide anybody, anybody's information, I don't share, I don't sell, none of that. Um and it's just it's one, it's one-on-one, it's not group. So if people are like, well, I don't want to expose myself, like it's just one-on-one. And it's literally taking skills that we already have as people that we've actually honed pretty well as cops and firefighters and paramedics. There's a lot of there's a lot of there's a lot of lines I can draw between the two that if we just recalibrate our mind a little bit, we can take a little different approach towards our life and use these basically life skills, right? Emotional intelligence is you know, your self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. I mean, think about that for a second. That's everyday stuff. So if you can heighten those skills and it impacts your personal and your professional life, and you can do it privately on your time off, you know, after hours, why would you not?

SPEAKER_01

I agree.

SPEAKER_00

And nobody's gonna know, right? You don't have to out yourself.

SPEAKER_01

So let's uh tell the listeners how they can sign up for your program or to meet with you one-on-one and what that might look like if they decide to sign up on your website.

How To Reach Bill And Next Steps

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, so probably the best way to get a hold of me of if you want to know more about me, my website is www.settleforbetter.life. Um, my if you want to reach out to me by email, info at settleforbetter.life, or you can find me on LinkedIn. Um, I'm pretty active on LinkedIn. I try to publish an article a week and I'm on there daily. Um and yeah, the best thing to do is anybody's interested, reach out to me that schedule a call just to sit and chat like you and I are, just to get to know each other. I know that I'm not for everyone, but one of the things I try to do is I try to network with as many people as I can. So if I find somebody's like, I don't know that we're gonna work well together, but I know somebody. Like I always want to be able to hand somebody off. And I have other people doing the same thing, like, hey, hey, Bill, this is one that you know, probably better to work for you, you know, worth you. So if not me, like I will help you network and find, you know, the solution that's best for you.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. Well, I appreciate your time, Bill. I really enjoyed today's conversation. I feel like there's so much more that we can talk about over time. Um, if you do end up having a chance to get back on here, I would love to pick your brain on more things that you're doing. And hopefully um there are listeners out there that are going to reach out to you. And if not, they've gained some very valuable information from what you've shared today. Is there anything that you want to leave the listeners off with before we end our episode today?

SPEAKER_00

Uh, number one, I would be more than happy to chat with you some more. And yeah, my big thing is if anybody wants is just looking for resources, like I'm a if my company is for profit, but I'm I'm not like I'm a I'm not a sales e guy, I'm not looking to sell everybody. So I want to be seen as a resource. So if you call me, it's not like you're gonna be jumping into a sales call, like, oh man, I have to put up with all like the salesy stuff to try to get some answers. That's not my approach. Um, like I said, I'm in this, I'm in this business for a reason, and it's not just the money, it's it's my calling, it's my new calling. And so reach out to me, like I said, if you just want to chat, you're in a tough spot, going through an IA, any of that kind of stuff. Um, thinking about leaving the job, have a colleague that you're not sure how to handle and how to work with, any of that kind of stuff. I'm a resource, not just somebody that wants to sell you a program.

Closing Reflections And Resources

Host Sign‑Off And Support CTA

SPEAKER_01

All right. Well, thank you for sharing that. And for the listeners, if you guys want to reach out to Bill, I would definitely recommend it. It seems like he has a lot of great information that you can probably pick his brain at, just like I would like to continue doing. If you guys have any questions about today's episode, please feel free to reach out to him on his email that he Provided to you, or you can reach out to me and I can get you in contact with Bill. Uh, as always, I appreciate you guys tuning in. Be safe, and I will see you on the next one. Thank you for joining me on Chapter Blue. If you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to follow and tag me on social media and share with your friends and fellow officers. If you're interested in joining an episode, I'd love for you to be a part of the conversation. Until next time, stay safe, take care of yourself, and remember, you're never alone in this journey.